Published May 5, 2011
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141,456 Literary Works • 674,469 Reviews
Okay, well, let's see...You need to capitalize the title, first of all -"The Dark Side" instead of 'The dark side". Also, you should break this up into stanzas and move the alignment to left justified -centering the poem makes it odd to look at.
I see you tried rhyming the lines in some areas, but I think that if you are going to rhyme, you should use the ABAB pattern throughout the WHOLE poem. Otherwise, just make it free verse.
-TSM
The "look at the sky with seem",
I actually meant 2 say that, when i look at the sky, i feel sad.
And then the poem continues....
thanx nyways...
Hey there! Here to review your poem... Let me just say, I really liked this poem. It has sort of a dark, brooding quality that I find really appealing. However, I found it slightly confusing... but that almost adds to the darkness of it. I didn't find very much to change, but here's what I did find:
Has the world come down on me?
As I look at the sky with seem. I didn't understand this line...what are you trying to say?
And now I write my words earnestly.
Each time my heart pounds,
I sit in contemplation,
As I appreciate my Ostentation.I wouldn't capitallize ostentation...
So many words are unexpressed.
Words of satire.
To make the others in distress.
All the fools,
Who wants wants should be want me in dreary and in doom,
I shall liberate my ghoulish self,
To defunct your serene soul.
Like the ruthless soul, you have been
I shall allure you to death which you haven’t seen.
A livid soul I am,
To stab your beating heart.
This will be my obligation.
And not any gag to ridicule on with sensation.I think that this sentence could use just a little re-wording to mke it less confusing, but it is your choice
That's all that I could find---overall, I really liked it. Again...don't change anything that you dont want! It is your poem, and no one can make you change what you think is right!
-jilly-
I like it. The poem itself, when taken from the point of a dark-sided person like myself, gives out the empression of a vampire. I say keep writing poetry as dark as you can. This poem has a dark attraction to me and I'm starting to enjoy it. I could almost taste the dark side that this poem indicates.