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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Okay, well, let's see...You need to capitalize the title, first of all -"The Dark Side" instead of 'The dark side". Also, you should break this up into stanzas and move the alignment to left justified -centering the poem makes it odd to look at.
I see you tried rhyming the lines in some areas, but I think that if you are going to rhyme, you should use the ABAB pattern throughout the WHOLE poem. Otherwise, just make it free verse.
-TSM
The "look at the sky with seem",
I actually meant 2 say that, when i look at the sky, i feel sad.
And then the poem continues....
thanx nyways...
Hey there! Here to review your poem... Let me just say, I really liked this poem. It has sort of a dark, brooding quality that I find really appealing. However, I found it slightly confusing... but that almost adds to the darkness of it. I didn't find very much to change, but here's what I did find:
Has the world come down on me?
As I look at the sky with seem. #FF0000 ">I didn't understand this line...what are you trying to say?
And now I write my words earnestly.
Each time my heart pounds,
I sit in contemplation,
As I appreciate my Ostentation.#FF0000 ">I wouldn't capitallize ostentation...
So many words are unexpressed.
Words of satire.
To make the others in distress.
All the fools,
Who wants #FF0000 ">wants should be want me in dreary and in doom,
I shall liberate my ghoulish self,
To defunct your serene soul.
Like the ruthless soul, you have been
I shall allure you to death which you haven’t seen.
A livid soul I am,
To stab your beating heart.
This will be my obligation.
And not any gag to ridicule on with sensation.#FF0000 ">I think that this sentence could use just a little re-wording to mke it less confusing, but it is your choice
That's all that I could find---overall, I really liked it. Again...don't change anything that you dont want! It is your poem, and no one can make you change what you think is right!
-jilly-
I like it. The poem itself, when taken from the point of a dark-sided person like myself, gives out the empression of a vampire. I say keep writing poetry as dark as you can. This poem has a dark attraction to me and I'm starting to enjoy it. I could almost taste the dark side that this poem indicates.