Her face is the first thing I see. She has her light hair pulled back in messy pigtails and she has a missing tooth. Her face lights up with joy as she lifts me out of my packaging.
“Daddy, he looks just like the bear on my inhaler! I love him! Thank you so much!” she shrieked pulling me to her chest tightly. As she turns I see a man with a small smile softening his worn face. His hair is messy and he has worry lines beginning to show far too soon for a man his age.
“Why don't you take him and show him how you get ready for bed, Lacy,” he spoke softly.
“Okay, Daddy,” she smiles and kisses his cheek before taking me with her on an adventure through the house. We arrive in a bathroom where Lacy shows me how to brush your teeth and hair, or fur in my case. We dance our way to her bedroom, and she begins telling me all about the the different things she has collected over her short lifetime. Soon, we come to a family picture.
“That’s me and Daddy and my Mommy. Isn't she pretty? She's not here anymore. Daddy says she is up with the stars, but I saw them put her in the ground.” She goes quiet for a moment before declaring it is time to put on her PJs.
“And now, the last thing I have to do before bed is use my inhaler. It's for my asthma. Do you have asthma, Teddy? You better use my inhaler too just in case.” She sits me down on her bed and shows me what she calls her inhaler. There is a mask on one end and the actual canister on the other with a tube connecting them. True to her earlier observation, there is a brown bear depicted on the instructions along the tube.
“Watch me do it first, Teddy, okay? You have to take six slow, big breaths- like this,” Lacy proceeds to cover her nose and mouth with the mask and squeeze the red end of the contraption opposite to her. After six breaths exactly, she lowers the mask.
“See? It's easy. Your turn!” She pulls me into her lap before placing the mask on my face and repeating the process all over again.
“All done! Now we just have to close the door before we go to bed. Daddy smokes in the house, and when I smell the smoke, it makes it really hard for my breathing to work normal. It makes my chest feel funny, and I can't breathe. It happens sometimes when I cry a lot if I start to miss Mommy. Daddy only tucks me into bed when he says he's not going to smoke any more, but then he misses Mommy, too.” Lucy pulls me close and just holds me for a moment before shutting the door softly and climbing into bed.
“Goodnight, Teddy. We’ll have lots of fun tomorrow.”
Ah, this was incredibly good. I couldn't find any grammatical mistakes, which was wonderful. I turned sad at when the little girl had said that her mother was 'in the stars'. It shows that she doesn't really know her mother is dead. All in all, I thought this was incredibly wonderful, and I can wait to read more of your work. 
I liked how you had described things, like how her hair was in messy pigtails and how she had a missing tooth. It shows that she is, most likely, a younger girl.
Hello, Dino here for a short review!
Oh my gosh. This short story plays at my heart strings. You did a nice job with conveying the emotion throughout this piece, including where the girl's mother died and she had to watch them put her mother into the ground or perhaps even mention the slight reason behind why the little girl has asthma. Another thing I liked about this piece is it is in the perspective of the teddy bear which makes it even better. I think if you were to continue this, though, I think you should show the daily life of the little girl from the eyes of the teddy bear.
One small suggestion if I could make one is in the beginning, I think instead of saying she had a missing tooth, it could be missing few teeth because that's how I usually imagine a little girl. Also, it wouldn't hurt to give some description of the girl's hair color. Of course, that is just a suggestion and you don't have to do just that.
Overall, I really do like this short story. If you have any questions, let me know!
This story is so sweet. You wrote it well with a soft, sensitive touch. I loved it! The story was absolutely flawless, with no errors either in the grammar or in the content. You were able to express the feelings of the teddy so well. Even though the story waals written from his perspective, I could understand what the girl and her father must have felt at various times. The words were simple and soft, and yet, descriptive and poetic. I don't know why, but the story somehow made me remember the movie, Toy Story. Anyways, the story was beautiful and teeming with childlike simplicity and joy. I could visualize the entire scene in front of my eyes. And, yes, I have to add that it is relevant in today's world. Keep up the amazing work!
120,200 Literary Works • 649,054 Reviews
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