Unfortunetly, I have to agree with Chanson.
I think you over used the descriptions. As you read the poem it took too much time to try and figure out what you were talking about and the reader didn't really have the time to just enjoy the poem. For me, it was just too complicated, and I kept getting lost. And I'm still not exactly sure what it is you were saying.
I think it might help if you broke up some of the lines, just gave the reader smaller chunks to have to deal with, but it could also do with a little rewording in my opinion.
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