Your horizon-curve smiling cheeks fill with
the pink dashes on the front of a postcard.
(Weather's here, wish you were beatiful.)
The city there looks full of anticipation,
the lighted ice-cube windows sliced open for one moment
before they close, or subliminate into the night.
Where they'll go is anyone's guess,
as is what you would have written on the back.
Instead, I'm counting your rose-flavored tally marks
that stand like soldiers to gaurd the sun in your eyes.
(He loathes me, he loathes me not.)
But this is a full cold moon, and your distance promotes
a sort of intangible lunacy that can't be shot down
in the way one closes their face to the morning.
What dawn will bring is anyone's guess,
as is the next world you'll smile behind posting.
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Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,759 Reviews
Hmm... Reading this aloud made it sound poetically beautiful but there is one problem. (Maybe its just because this poem is too complicated for my almost empty brain) but I don't really get the story or meaning behind this poem. I get it is about another person... but is it the persons friend or lover???
Just wondering...
And also wondering why some things are in brackets ...?
But apart from that it sounded very magical and beautiful. I liked it!
I really like this piece. There's an intangibility here that I find really intreguing. I read it several times, to myself and aloud, and found something different every time. That's definitly a good sign. I don't really have time for a good critique right now, but when I do I'll offer it to ya.
Keep writing!