Young Writers Society

Hi, hello there! This is Ina speaking. I am here to give a little comment/review about this beautiful poem of yours. Anyways, let's get to it.

I've never imagined shapeshifters in this kind of way. I find it very unique. It also can be sad and about love in my perspective. I love how it made see images in my mind too, so very creative. The flow of your poem is great too. I like the ending the most and it may seem like messy yet organized at the same time. Over all, you poem is good. I have noticed that it went to the literary spotlight like twice.

I hope this helps! Have a good morning, day, afternoon, or night!

I gotta say I love the content, it's very abstract description while still grounding you in something you can see in your mind's eye. However I will say I'm not sure the title feels like it fits the poem. Shapeshifters bring to mind mythical imagery, and there really isn't any illusion to that in the poem itself.

Those first two lines are just gold. Love the whole poem and the imagery and word choice throughout. Definitely will return to read this one again.

Hello!

I felt you made good line cuts/slices in the first half of the depiction, but lost the rythym of meaningful transition as it slid onward, line to line.

A word you've read on lips without the sound, is a maddening hassle of interpretation, but comprehensively so as we see it's an emotional charge.

I can't say I like the Yourself, butting up to you are in very next sentence. It kinda snaps the majestic flow. Maybe just jump right into Like/as sand. I do love the concept of carving put forth however.

Seems you employed the use of the slang word sick twice, which comes off a little unselective in choice, moreso the latter time because there are a lot of ways you could connect to illusion: such as dizzying, contorted, amalgamated, interfering, cloaking... You get the premise.

The world doesn't ask, individuals do - but society demands Mulberry kisses is one of the most kick ass personifications emitted here in the landscape. Grotesquely demarcating.

The end almost seems to leave another line beckoning, as if i felt the dynamite from the previous stanza, and then it unraveled a bit rather than wrapped up. I wouldn't use such a simple word as hurt, at least not without an adjective assi*$ting... But that just my opinion and you may or may not wish to revise any parts.

It's fairly tight as it is

Gosh, this is a lovely poem. I especially love the first lines of "when they ask how many ghosts you've seen/don't count the ones you've been." It was so wonderfully executed and made me gasp. Really lovely work.