according to zeno's paradox

Wow! This was such a unique and interesting poem. I looked up Zeno’s paradox on Wikipedia and it seems like an interesting idea to incorporate in a poem. I like the compact, even nature of the poem; it gives a sense of completion through the fact that it’s one neat box of text, like everything contained within is part of one idea, as opposed to multiple ideas contained in a poem with multiple stanzas. I also loved the last line, and felt it resonated a lot with me personally. I have experienced many times, as I get older, that I begin to mourn who I could’ve been, and how many possibilities have been destroyed as time passes. I also liked the way you play with the idea of self through various images, such as the secrets that “dissolve like salt in water”, or the idea that one is “swimming to someplace I can’t remember”. I feel like you pushed the bounds of identity in this poem.
However, at times, it did feel like the ideas in the poem seemed far-ranging and disconnected. For example, how do one’s secrets relate to mortality and one’s movement? If there is a connection there, I would suggest you spend more time drawing it out. I also was a little confused by the part of the poem where you describe “scraping my name into the sand with my teeth” and then immediately transition to describing how “this is a story of my mortality”. I didn’t exactly see the connection between these two ideas, and I would suggest you make the transition between the two a little clearer.
Overall this was a very interesting, and thought provoking poem. It has raised a lot of questions in my mind about time and life and the self. I feel like it really lives up to the philosophical reference in the title.

Hey figmoon! I hope you're doing well; I'm hopping by for one of my first reviews in a while, so pardon me if I'm a little rusty.

1) I love your first line, the idea of a machine that is being forced to move yet lacking true motion in all the ways that matter, and I love the beginning of the ocean analogy right after. I was thinking about what would happen if you washed a machine in water--it would start malfunctioning? Perhaps revealing its fragility?
You could perhaps add in a line or two expanding on the connection between the narrator being a machine and the narrator stuck in the ocean; they could be one image rather than two at once. This is assuming, of course, that you take "machine" more literally as electronic, etc. rather than just a word for an emotion, so that's up to you.

2) So much of your language is illustrative, such as the aforementioned machine line or the sand-scraping. A line that strikes me as different is "i am moving,/but barely." It is true in the context of the poem, but I also feel that it's not as strong as some of the other lines, and those other lines are able to convey the same message. (A similar situation with the line "now, i see movement without motion." I understood that sentiment from the first line with the "motionless machine.")
Still, the poem may need a straightforward, direct line to break up all of the lovely imagery you have going on elsewhere; in that case, what else can you say about this feeling or situation that you have created for us? You can have a clean-cut "i am" statement, but what is going to make it hold its weight?

3) I love your formatting. Seriously. The uniformity in the length of the lines, the lack of capitalization, the "was / am / will be" and "past / present / future" all work so well together for the meaning. The title, too--it sounds so clinical, almost detached, which goes perfectly with a message that is eerily hopeless.
And the last line??? Another callback to the past/present/future memo! Adore it.

And that's all I have! I hope this helped you a little bit, or adequately expressed my appreciation of your work. Have a wonderful day and keep writing!

XOX,
erilea