Girl Interrupted

Hey Fanatic! Black here for a quick review day review.

I must admit, that is some pretty badly messed up formatting (if this is a poem at all!). Really though . . . ouch. I'll assume that you couldn't help it -I've been having YWS formatting issues recently myself- but if that's not the case then I advise you to break this up a bit into stanza's and lines. But anyway, that comment done; my thoughts on this piece!

Well, truth be told I liked it. The size of the 'lines' when properly broken up, are really quite nice, and even without rhyming you've achieved a fair bit of flow! Nice work there! I don't really understand the title and a few of the lines deserve nit-picks; but otherwise it was all-right. I like the theme too! Kind of mysterious; feeling achieved through dreaming. Something that I think I can understand and relate to! You know!

This review I'm gonna cover: your title, a couple of nit-picks on some lines, and a comment on your style. Remember to follow up on my suggestions and apply them! Otherwise I might as well not have reviewed! Here goes!

For the style comment. Why do you capitalize the first letter of every line? I know that it's not technically incorrect to do so, but it seems like comma's and their effects should still apply. Shouldn't letters only be capitalized if they come after an 'absolute' punctuation mark? Point being that I don't really like it and it constantly gets on my nerves. If you DON'T do it then I can assure you that you're not doing it wrong -but if you do do it I can't be sure (seeing as poetry isn't my expertise). Try to change it? I think it would work out better.

For your title. Why did you choose the title 'Girl Interrupted'? If this unnamed girl was sleeping and this poem was more specific; about what she was dreaming and the feeling itself (directly) then I could see why you could wake her up, and call this poem what you called it. But that's not what it's about. I see no connection between poem and title. You might want to change it . . .? Dream Feeling? Dream Feel? I long to achieve? I suck at names and titles, but any of those would make more sense.

For my nit-picks. These are simple things really; I'l l do the usual quote-fix-generalize. I hope it works! Here we go!

When will that day come,
I must no longer crave that feeling,
Simply achieved through dreaming?

I crave that feeling of quietude,
Long to put my mind to rest,

woah this is so captivating, i can feel the pain in her words.
i loved the continuous stream of words by having commas instead of full stops
truly enjoyed this, well done

Hi there. I'm here to give a quick review so here it goes. In my opinion, there wasn't much wrong with this, other than the layout. I know it isn't your fault as I have had poems have this layout. But anyway, content wise, this was well done. It was descriptive, full of vivid imagery and really painted a picture in the reader's mind. My only question is about the line when you say,

"My skeletons hanging here"

Are there multiple skeletons, or did you miss an apostrophe? Other than that, I could't name any other complaints.

This is really good. I really see nothing to correct other than your lines. The formation is really good, you just need to separate the stanzas out.

Haunted by my past,
Troubled by my mistakes,
I crave that feeling of quietude,
Long to put my mind to rest,
Hoping to find a contented feeling,
Only achieved through dreaming.

Every night,
Stirring and spinning,
My mind unremittingly stressed,
My skeletons hanging near.
When will that day come,
I must no longer crave that feeling,
Simply achieved through dreaming?

This poem evokes powerful imagery.The language is simple and easy to contemplate.Everyone can relate to the poem as they would have crossed the phase of self contempt at some point
of their lives.I especially liked the ending as it leaves behind a thought for us to ponder.
If not for the lack of spacing it is a very good poem.Kudos keep the good work going!!

This poem is really good and made for a thought provoking ending. Firstly, I think that the simplicity of the language and the short length of your poem is one of the best strengths about it. While most poetry strives to rhyme, this poem is all the better for not rhyming as much, in my opinion. Where your poem did rhyme, the language did not feel forced, but natural. Secondly, the stanzas like "Haunted by my past/Troubled by my mistakes" and "My mind unremittingly stressed/My skeletons hanging near" evoke powerful imagery and to me, the feeling of striving to be perfect while wearing one's self down to the core because of it. Lastly, the stanza that asks "When will that day come/I must no longer crave that feeling/Simply achieved through dreaming?" is what I thought was good food for thought. I think we have all been at that point, struggling to find contentment within our lives.

One thing I would do is to try again to see if you could get the spaces between the stanzas.

Overall, "Girl Interrupted" is simple yet profound and I really enjoyed it!

Keep writing!

Sorry you guys, for some reason I can't seem to get the spaces between the lines