Hehe I like this! It's clever. Although quite confusing because I have no idea what is really going on, but fun!
z
"Mom, Dad?" I yelled. And I thought I had a brother, but I couldn't remember his name. I tried. "Harrison, William, Grant? Sam, Billy, Roger, Elliot…"
We didn't have a porch anymore, either. Well, I didn't, seeing as I was alone at the time (and also rather frightened). Just a flat, narrow path leading away from the bland front door, constructed of concrete squares and stray wild daisies (once in a while). There was green.
Bushes, bushes, trees, bushes. A purple tree somewhere, I was sure, but some of this greenness looked native and ALL of it was different.
Pines, palms, decorative bushes. A lot of those bushes.
No more houses in sight, just things poking out of the ground like those carrots I didn't have anymore – why did I ever like carrots anyway, being part of this weird misery as they were – now there was just green, green, brownish-yellowish green, and lots of other colors too, but I thought it all green.
All this I saw from a window, certain there was more. The window was curtained yellow and friendly-looking. There was a knock on the door; I rushed over and timidly clashed the keys and found the right one. Sure that I had made a fatal mistake, I opened the door and winced – what else was I to do?
It wasn't Miranda, for one thing.
I couldn't tell exactly who or what it was, but then I realized (with a jolt) that it was Nobody.
"How are you today?" Nobody asked politely. "Your name is Alicia, I take it?"
"How did you know?"
"How did YOU know?" was Nobody's retort.
"That's a very good question," I mumbled, rubbing my forehead.
"My point exactly." Nobody, a faded silhouette, time-weathered and unidentifiable, let out a deep, gentle sigh. "I have an offer for you, dear."
"Can I trust you?" spurted I.
"Can I trust YOU?" wavered the ghost.
After I decided to stop my retorts – after all, I was talking to Nobody – the apparition continued. "I'll help you find everything and everyone you're looking for."
"And does that have a price?"
"Well, I'm not sure if it's exactly a price, but… I'm in dire need of a companion, and I'll help you in return for your friendship."
"I'm already friends with Nobody," I mused.
"Miranda was your friend, you know."
"But if I become your friend…I'll never have any more friends ever again," I realized, and began to stare at my shoes, those thin-soled torturous moccasins.
"Yes," Nobody wistfully confirmed. "I guess that's why I don't have any friends…"
"But I want you to have a friend!" I declared. "I don't think that's fair in the slightest."
"Who in the world would want to have a shadow as their friend – and nobody more - when they could have a million point two full-fledged acquaintances? What's the use?" And Nobody began to wisp away.
"Wait, don't leave! Maybe we can find a loopho - "
- but Nobody was already gone.
I could never be friends with Nobody because Miranda, though missing, was still my friend and always would be. And all the other people who were my friends at some time or another, and all the ones who would be, too.
But did that mean that everyone had a friend in the world? Because only then could Nobody be left without a friend…
After deciding that philosophy was too confusing to bother about at this time of day anyway, I hiked the meager path away, away, away from this home, whosever home it was, and tried to find something.
All was lost, I suppose, but that meant that Nothing could be found.
Hehe I like this! It's clever. Although quite confusing because I have no idea what is really going on, but fun!
Hey I have a review
This story was really well written and the theme was simply amazing. I loved that way that you used philosophy to explain the character of 'nobody', and I did like the idea of the choice between having friends or having no one, I certainly know what I would have chosen!
Also, I did like the simple design of the world he was in. Was it even part of earth? where was it? It made me so curious, and in a good way, so what I am saying basically If I really enjoyed this story and would love to see others like it
Thank you for putting it up!
Hey fictional! Silver here to review for you!!
I rhought that this story was great! I loved your little philosophical moments contemplating nobody and nothing, alot of what you said was really clever. I also enjoyed your personification of Nobody, very well done. Your grammar and spelling seem to be on song which is another plus. I liked how it felt like there was a deeper backstory to this of which we've only skimmed the surface. Brilliant! Happy writing!!
Silverlock
I enjoyed reading this, but I felt like there were moments it was a bit confusing.
For example:
'Pines, palms, decorative bushes. A lot of those bushes.' Lots of repetition. Which also appears again here:
'"Can I trust you?"
"Can I trust YOU?"'
You use the 'he said' 'she said' rule for dialogue description. And it can be unclear at times what is happening in between the speech.
However the story progresses well and the piece isn't too long.
I would just add some more clarifiers after the dialogue so the reader can see what is going on every step of the way.
Otherwise, good.
This is brilliant.
You got my attention from the very beginning with that line "And I thought I had a brother". It's such an odd thing for someone to think, yet it's written in such a subtle, natural way that it makes the thought seem genuine.
And all that stuff with "Nobody". That was very clever. At first I thought this would be some surreal little short story, and in a way it is, but by giving the word "nobody" the form and feelings of a person you created a very phsycological and clever piece. Overall, I thought the thing was very intelligently written and I really enjoyed it. The ending was especially great, with the introduction of "Nothing", which made the piece stay in mind after I'd read it.
Great stuff, there's nothing to critisize! I loved it
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