Motionless

"Motionless, he's still running." I love that sentence. I like it because it contradicts the fact that he's motionless. Also because of the simplicity. People say it's confusing. Not to me. If it is supposed to be confusing, then it seems that it is the heart of the story. The basic structure is totally confusing.

So it seems that he is dead. But his spirit lives on beyond the grave. If it is to be a prolouge of a story, then the story should be about him trying to resurrect hisself.

Just some advice. But all in all, great story.

Nice story, quite abstract and at first hard to wrap my mind around, but still was a great read. I find little to critisize, little to correct, but I don't think you need to add the brackets on the last sentence, just leave it in the same font and style as the rest of the story. And your use of the crossed out words was also beautiful. I must say, this is quite confusing to read but that seems to be part of its beauty.

Let me start off by saying, this is very well written.
The only problems I have is that maybe the running around the questions and what the characters are saying can be a it confusing.
My only other problem is that it is way too short, you need to continue this, I can see this becoming a very amazing short story or even novel whichever way you continue to write it.

Cirute here to review!

I'd like to start by saying awesome work. The story is pretty epic. I found no errors within it and I can criticize nothing, so basically this is just going to be me blabbing about everything that I like about it!

This is quite vague and confusing, but in a good way! This, coupled with the stylized manner it is written in, makes the piece quite interesting. The things that had been crossed out were especially interesting, for it makes the piece seem more... raw. I find it to be like looking into the mind of a madman for some reason, I don't really know why though. The last sentence was especially thought provoking and philosophical, as well as being super creative. "Is he running away, or towards something bigger?" That got me thinking a great deal. This is by far the most interesting thing I've read in while, and I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed it. Great story!

~Cirute

Hi there! Lucrezia here for a review.

Wow. Wow wow wow. This is definitely confusing, but it's so refreshing and wonderfully weird! I like quirky little stylistic pieces such as this.

The strikethrough bits reminded me of writing in one's journal. In fact, if I was trying to make sense of this (which I'm not), I'd probably say it's someone writing in their diary about when they were told a family member/close friend had died. I know that most likely wasn't your intention, but it was the vibe I got---which is the great thing about this piece, that the reader can fill in the gaps with their own imagination.

And I so love originality. This is a perfect example of that. I have pretty much no clue what it's about or what it means even, yet it drew me in right away and I'm still geeking out about its odd awesomeness.

The italics, bold lettering, and strikethrough all help to paint a dramatic picture. Not many people take advantage of those three tools, and I think it's great that you did.

Like I said, A+ for originality, quirkiness, and odd appeal. This is one hell of a piece.

Great work!

Well, this is very, very intriguing.

First off, the writing style you used is very clever, half way to a poem, and your language is consistent and flows with it. Personally, I wouldn't use the crossed through text, it comes across as unfinished and unruly, but if you feel it is important to the story, then it makes sense. Beyond that, I don't have any other complaints.

The story itself is intriguing because you give virtually no details, but enough of the adventure and premonition to pull the reader in. I wouldn't call it a short story, honestly, because there's no story there to be short, but it is a really, really good start for one, and I would love to see you add a little more to it. But honestly, this is good work and I really liked it.

Thank you fictional!

What the hell is this? XD


Errr, not really sure I get what you're going on about there bebz.
Sorry.

I liked it though. Not sure why, but there waz something fun about it.

You use punctuation and the capital letters and stuff well. That was good.
If you were going to improve it, you could write something that makes omore sense I guess. Even though, like I sai really funn work.

Good writes bebz.

Hey. XD

Ok, I have to be honest and say: I have absolutely no clue what this work is on about.
It may be a paradox, but I don't understand it.


'A shriek, an overdue kettle and a drowning cat wailed out the tragic chord (or so we believed); ' the opening line is refreshingly random, with an interesting use of parenthesis.

'"He's dead, I tell you! He's DEAD !" was the desperate whisper. And the chaos began.' From the first line, I would have personally said the chaos had already begun. But that's just
me.

'He could stand the delirium no longer, so he ran.

Motionless, he's still running.

(But is he running away, or towards something bigger?)' - this is probably the weirdest ending I have to read for any piece ever. And I'm a little confused as to what's going on here, but let's go with it.

Full marks for randomnosity and amibiguity.

Keep writing.

~BSF