Published March 8, 2010
Wondering
Synapses misfire like dying embers echoing through the corridors of my mind.
Fragments of happiness and desperation intertwine.
Heirlooms passed down through generations no more.
Slipping away form me are my decaying memories.
I am cast into the unknown.
I was listening to "Moonlight Sonata"and I decided to write this.
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140,874 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
I really love this. It's beautifully written and the imagery is brilliant. *clicks 'like'* I like how it gives you a feeling of hopelessness and desolation, yet makes you smile at the same time... I love it when a poem does that. And the ending is a bit of a cliff hanger but that's okay. I like cliff hangers sometimes and it just fits in perfectly here.
Thank you for making me smile.
~Scarlett.
Hey there fiction
I really liked your poem! It was descriptive, full of imaginary and you used some really good language! Well done for that!
I think that you were meant to write, from, not form
I actually disagree with extrication. To be honest, I really like this poem just as it is! I don't personally think that you need to make it any longer. It's short and sweet, and I like it that way! You could maybe do a kind of "sequel" to it though maybe?
I loved the beginning of the poem, it made me want to read on! I adore the use of description and imaginary you have used with these two lines.
One thing I will suggest though is to do with the ending. At the beginning, you're extremely descriptive. But then on the last line, I don't think that you're descriptive enough! Instead of just saying, I am cast into the unknown, you could write something like,
That was just a small suggestion, you get the idea though?
Overall, I really did love your poem!
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
I like your poem very much, it is beautiful and it fills me with wonder. I like when you put:
It kinda leaves the reader on a cliff hanger, which I love!! YOu have lots of talent! Keep on writing!And please read my story, a new home, a new love! I would greatly appreciate it!
I really like the imagery you invoke! I especially like the line, 'Fragments of happiness and desperation intertwine.' That said, I kind of feel that perhaps there should be more to this poem! What you have is beautiful, and I think it begs to be expanded. I can feel that there is a subject hiding, but just as I get a hint for it the poem abruptly ends.
And rather than 'past', I think you meant 'passed' (it wouldn't fit otherwise!)
Also, I think you meant 'from', not 'form'.
Keep on writing!
I like it