PM me if you write more poetry.
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In cold blood
We saw them coming, two socials across the park.
Intent on vengeance, their mouths spew poisonous accusation's,
we are too close to avoid confrontation.
Johnny's fear quickly turns into hysteria as a callused hand wraps it's self around my neck.
Johnny evolved into something savage as memories of past beatings flooded his mind.
Anger, adrenaline and loathing an explosive brew channeled into a sharp switchblade.
My attackers fall sticky, crimson blood flowing.
Fixed glassy eyes stare up at me,
I let out a scream.
Quiet Johnny my best friend, the gangs pet.
Murdered two socials in cold blood.
This is baised on the book "Outsiders." Hopefully I am getting better at poetry. Have a great day.
Thank you all for the reviews. I called them socials instead of socs because I didn't want to confuse anyone. Thank you for the punctuation tips if I turn this in to my English teacher I will implement those changes. Have a great night Fiction.
Hey there!
What a lovely and gripping way to start!
In cold blood
We saw them coming, two socials across the park.
Intent on vengeance, their mouths spew poisonous accusation's
Oh my goodness! I love 'The Outsiders'! As for your poem itself, it was very good. However, they calls them "socs", not "socials", even thought that's what "socials" stands for. However, if you did that to even out the meter, that's fine. Now, you had some technichal errors, and I fixed them in red. An asterisk means I took something out.
In #FF0000 ">Cold #FF0000 ">Blood
We saw them coming, two socials across the park.
Intent on vengeance, their mouths spew#FF0000 ">ing poisonous accusati#FF0000 ">ons,
we are too close to avoid confrontation.
Johnny's fear quickly turns into hysteria as a callused hand wraps #FF0000 ">itself around my neck.
Johnny evolved into something savage as memories of past beatings flooded his mind.
Anger, adrenaline and loathing#FF0000 ">, an explosive brew#FF0000 ">, channeled into a sharp switchblade.
My attackers fall#FF0000 ">- sticky, crimson blood flowing.
Fixed glassy eyes stare up at me#FF0000 ">.
I let out a scream.
Quiet Johnny#FF0000 ">.
#FF0000 ">My best friend#FF0000 ">.
#FF0000 ">The gang#FF0000 ">'s pet.
Murdered two socials in cold blood.
i dont know either about the book nor abt the tragedy....but nice the way u explained evrything.....in the space of last few sentences...howevr, do concontrate on ur spellings n ur tenses...improve on them......
Really well done. I loved the way you explained everything and progressed through into a firm point!
LOVE IT!
Great job!
At first I didn't understand your poem until I got to the end and realized that you were talking about 'The Outsiders'.
I loved this description
Intent on vengeance, their mouths spew poisonous accusation's,
Johnny's fear quickly turns into hysteria as a callused hand wraps it's self around my neck.
Johnny evolved into something savage as memories of past beatings flooded his mind.
My attackers fall sticky, crimson blood flowing.
Fixed glassy eyes stare up at me,
I let out a scream.
Points: 42428
Reviews: 411
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