Published June 21, 2010
My dad has been a significant motivating force behind everything I have accomplished in my life. Growing up, I didn’t exactly have a good life because my mother is an alcoholic. It was the night before my fifth birthday and my mom was “sick” again; she began stomping around the house yelling at everyone in sight. I didn’t know if I was going to ever have my party. Luckily my dad came to the rescue by the time I woke up the next morning. He had my “Madeline” themed birthday decorations all set up and all my birthday presents wrapped neatly on the dining room table. The party’s main activity was creating purses. As you can imagine fashioning bright yellow felt purses with ten giddy five year old girls was not my dad’s favorite activity. This was especially true on the Forth of July which happens to be my birthday. I now realize he did it just to make me smile.
Later in my life when I understood the extent of my mom’s problem my dad became the only constant in a world that can only be described as total chaos. By the time I was ten my parents were getting divorced and my Mom's life was consumed by her addiction. Her alcohol was all she cared about and she would do anything to get her hands on it. She had just kicked my dad out of the house and for the first time in my life I was truly and utterly alone. I had to grow up fast taking on virtually all the adult responsibilities like doing chores and making breakfast lunch and dinner. My Mom would say things to me like “All you are is a stupid little bitch” or “I hate you and I always will”. I felt worthless .One day in June my dad finally came back for me. That day I hugged him so tight that I thought I would never let him go until he promised that we would never be separated again. My mom used to refer to me as “Daddy’s Girl” and I guess that I always was. My dad saved me that day.
Since I have been living with my dad I realized I am no longer worthless. I saw his proud, smiling face as I walked across the stage in the school auditorium to receive my honor roll awards. Without him I really don’t know where I would be. This father’s day I would like to say thank you to the best dad in the world. Thank you for loving me and supporting me in everything I do. Fiction
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140,907 Literary Works • 673,716 Reviews
Hey fiction,
You know what? This is one of the hardest pieces to critique ever. The content is personal and you portray your emotions consistently and confidently throughout. Despite the odd bit of grammar issue, the way you've written it is perfectly structured, it's unbelievable. Either you've definitely spent time editing this to make it the best you could, or you have a very brilliant talent of writing with clarity and fluency. Whatever you did, hats off to you; it was excellent.
Just a few points though:
Just watch mistakes and grammar points such as this. The word "which", unless starting a sentence, should always come after a comma.
This really shows the relationship with your Dad and I have to say you've written and portrayed it very well. Instead of saying "he's great", you've implied he's always there, someone you can go to for help. As most of us can empathise with that feeling, the emotion has such a strong effect here. You could perhaps stick a few more bits in like this describing the relationship with your father whilst you were "utterly alone" with your mum. Perhaps you felt like a long existing chain had been broken? Or it was so strong that really, you weren't alone because your dad was still with you in your heart? I don't know, but things like that, you know?
Anyway, hope this helped!
*Likes*
~Ben
Extremely touching peice of work! I'm so sorry about your mother, it must be hard to live with someone like
that.
I agree with everyone you should give this to your father to read, i'm sure he would be touched.
Born
xx
I really suggest you should write it in a greeting card and gift it to your Dad. Even though he is facing difficulties with your mother, but he must be really proud of having a daughter like you. What you have written is extremely heart-felting.
What a touching story. It makes me get all thankful for what I have now. I hope your mom finds a way to stop her addiction.
I really don't know what to say. Just your dad must have loved this if you showed it to him.
That was really sweet of your dad.
Wow, that was truly touching. First off, I'm sorry about your mom. It's tough living with an alcoholic in the house because they become consumed by drinking. It's a horrible mental illness. I hope your mom finds help so she can be a mom for you. If you want to talk about it you can PM me.
Nit-Picks:
Overall:
This was a very moving piece. Your description could have gone more in-depth with your father, since your focus was him. More physical and personality details would suffice.
Your paragraphs should have been more specific and direct, because they were a tad long. Try aiming at one point, like your dad's heroism or your fifth birthday. That way you'll give your reader that emotion you are feeling in a more straightforward manner.
I hope you and your father had a wonderful Father's Day!
~Selene