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Young Writers Society



Cell Phone Pimp

by fersurebomb


Finally it is night,
And he is turning me off.
My battery is very low.
He's pushed my buttons all day long.

He inserts the charger: in, out, in, out.
It feels very good after such a long day.
I am rejuvenated and ready to work: again.

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31 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 31

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Mon Sep 10, 2007 1:24 am
RED wrote a review...



I really liked this. This metaphor you've chosen was really a great one. It makes perfect sense, and it doesn't get confusing. Short and to the point, my kind of poem. I was happy with this poem, and I also suggest moving it to dramatic poetry. Anyway, well done!

Oh, and welcome!

[Caitlin]




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493 Reviews

Points: 1040
Reviews: 493

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Mon Sep 10, 2007 12:08 am
Misty wrote a review...



I was expecting something great from this. Nice job, you delivered.


He inserts the charger: in, out, in, out.
It feels very good after such a long day.
I am rejuvenated and ready to work: again.


Classic. This is a good poem. I suggest dramatic poetry for it.

Not sure if I'd use the colon inbetween "work," and "again," though. I'd just take it out. Although it does add emphasis, so it's up to you.

Welcome!





Pain is filtered in a poem so that it becomes finally, in the end, pleasure.
— Mark Strand