Hey, felidae. AnarchyWolf here for this Review Day.
So, let's do it!
“You smell... delicious,"
"You smell... delicious."
There should be a full stop at the end of this.
narrowed.“Fire!”
narrowed. "Fire!"
There should be a space here, to separate the dialogue from its tag.
“Goodbye, vermin,”
"Goodbye, vermin."
Full stop again.
squad, “are we keepin’ ‘im?”
Squad. "Are we keepin' 'im?"
Full stop, again.
They stalked forwards as the lookout pointed.
It sounds a bit strange. Rewording would be good to give a clearer picture of what's happening.
It's hard to work out who the POV character is in this. First, it seems like it's the anti-demon squad, and then toward the end it's the demon himself. It'd be more effective to keep to one POV character and have their thoughts ripping at the reader all of the way through.
The descriptions and the characters could use a little work. Like said below, they're kind of empty and we can't connect with them much as readers.
I do love the whole concept. It's creative, and exciting and I'd love to meet more permanent characters. Keep me updated, if you do end up writing more.
-AnarchyWolf
Points: 0
Reviews: 62
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