Young Writers Society

Hello, Dino here for a short review!

I feel like this topic is used quite often but you seem to use it in your own way, if that makes sense. Like, the title you have used is kind of deceiving but also shows a bit of symbolism with the white rose because I think of it like life or something of the sort. Also, a little bit of Alice in Wonderland. I also like your beginning because of how you used your definition of death to appeal to what you are writing. However, you seem to use such a topic that it seems kind of repetitive throughout the whole thing. Personally, I enjoyed most of the messages you were trying to show throughout this whole piece, as well.

Such is the way of the world. Such is the nature of time. Such is the nature of life and of death, of light and darkness, of new beginnings and of ends, of creation and of destruction.

Such is the way of the world. Such is the nature of time and life then death.

Beautiful. You had me hooked immediately. Every word in this little piece of literature caused my interest to increase. The ending was simply wonderful. That is all I can say other than keep writing

HEELLO featherstone,
Nice job here. I always thought Death and Transformation were two different things but I guess they are binded together by some unknown force as well.
The first paragraph spoke of death, death everywhere. This snatches the reader's interest, as it did mine. I realize that your posts mirror your roleplaying style. As descriptive as always featherstone. I congratulate you and your perfect use of words.
Nice relation to science too. Even though this passage is marked under fantasy, I suppose it wouldn't hurt if the laws of matter were included into the picture. "matter cannot be created nor destroyed, simply changed". True, very true.
I like how you added the classic phoenix rising from the ashes. It's always a symbol of a new beginning after the death of the phoenix before it. A reincarnation, perhaps?
"Nothing is permanent". Can that be considered a life lesson? Life cannot go on forever. "Death is what mortals fear". Mortals. No one is immortal, after all.

Sincerely,

Night kaizer

Hey, here with a review. First of all, I really liked this piece, it was graceful, elegant and just simply beautiful. This piece is exactly what I look for in a piece, the repetition was used correctly not too much, not too little. Throughout this whole piece, there was a rhythm that made the poem flow. It really makes us doubt or question. Just a thing I think would make this piece more emotional or relate-able maybe mention something about how most people are scared and maybe something about a "bucket list". You don't have to add this but I just thought it would help. Other than that, I really liked this piece. Keep writing!

~Rosy234

i really really love this, i don't know how to critique this or anything so i just want to say i really loved this, it's beautiful

This was really nice to read. It brought lots of questions to a table and an overall different outlook on life. You have a great writing style that just flows and isn't too difficult to read, yet isn't prose.

This is petty and you don't even have to do this, but if I were to edit it, in the first paragraph where you've put "death, ____', I'd put a semicolon rather than a colon.

Also, what is myliianyrae? Did you make it up? I tried googling it but nothing comes up. What is the significance of this word, does it mean something to you? This part was a bit random to me.

Overall there's very little to critique, you've done an awesome job at this. The only thing I can think of is perhaps make it a bit more subjective???

-- Tiana

I like this. Especially the part when you reference the caterpillar to the butterfly. The question, death or transformation? Beautiful.