z

Young Writers Society



Cowboy Ballad

by fatimachan


Dreamin’

Bounty hunter since 12 years old

I can’t remember the last time I felt my right hip with out a pistol

The cold hard but of my pistol against the warm side of my palm

Gun slingin’ is all I ever knew

It wont surprise me in the least if I buck out in smoke

In fact, that’s the only way I see myself goin’

My left eye is blind

It only sees the past

Memories

Incidents

Dreams

Nightmares

All twisted up into one single puddle

Between the barrel of a glass eye

I never knew what love was

Till that one god forsaken afternoon

I’d just finished finding my way back far from the saloon

I lay watchin’ the sunset ‘side my horse

The sun cast a silhouette against a figure before me

Long flowing hair blocked my sight

The calico before me was no regular gal

She wore a deep maroon sundress that blew with the wind

Justin’s fit her feet well

In the pit of her hand she held a sharp’s rifle

It pointed strait at me

And it was that single moment in time

Time stood still

A smirk rooted to her face, she said “mighty fine game”.

And that was the beginning of my dream


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239 Reviews


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Thu Apr 16, 2009 6:19 pm
MeadowLark wrote a review...



Hey there!

I've never heard of this "Cowboy Bebop" before but I read the poem anyways. Not good at critiquing poetry but I noticed one thing:

Till that one god forsaken afternoon


God should be capitilized. I would think. But that's just me and I'm not even sure :?

I really enjoyed reading this though. You did a good job on this poem. I love ballads but you could use some puncuation in there like commas, or periods and semi-colons. You have a few but it could use more ^_^ It would improve.

Happy Writing!

Meadow




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Points: 1114
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Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:47 pm
sopher wrote a review...



Gosh, this poem is entertaining!

I love the way you've altered the language to make it so uniquely coyboy, and I think you've really succeeded. Its such an oeiginal idea as well.

I also like the love and lighthearted comedy interwoven here, really makes for a good poem.

Keeep writing!




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Points: 890
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Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:53 am
holly_jean16 says...



This is really good. It keeps me wondering whats going to happen next. Your description is also very good. This piece just flows.





Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
— Neil Gaiman