Dreamin’
Bounty hunter since 12 years old
I can’t remember the last time I felt my right hip with out a pistol
The cold hard but of my pistol against the warm side of my palm
Gun slingin’ is all I ever knew
It wont surprise me in the least if I buck out in smoke
In fact, that’s the only way I see myself goin’
My left eye is blind
It only sees the past
Memories
Incidents
Dreams
Nightmares
All twisted up into one single puddle
Between the barrel of a glass eye
I never knew what love was
Till that one god forsaken afternoon
I’d just finished finding my way back far from the saloon
I lay watchin’ the sunset ‘side my horse
The sun cast a silhouette against a figure before me
Long flowing hair blocked my sight
The calico before me was no regular gal
She wore a deep maroon sundress that blew with the wind
Justin’s fit her feet well
In the pit of her hand she held a sharp’s rifle
It pointed strait at me
And it was that single moment in time
Time stood still
A smirk rooted to her face, she said “mighty fine game”.
And that was the beginning of my dream
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey there!
I've never heard of this "Cowboy Bebop" before but I read the poem anyways. Not good at critiquing poetry but I noticed one thing:
God should be capitilized. I would think. But that's just me and I'm not even sure
I really enjoyed reading this though. You did a good job on this poem. I love ballads but you could use some puncuation in there like commas, or periods and semi-colons. You have a few but it could use more ^_^ It would improve.
Happy Writing!
Meadow
Gosh, this poem is entertaining!
I love the way you've altered the language to make it so uniquely coyboy, and I think you've really succeeded. Its such an oeiginal idea as well.
I also like the love and lighthearted comedy interwoven here, really makes for a good poem.
Keeep writing!
This is really good. It keeps me wondering whats going to happen next. Your description is also very good. This piece just flows.