I sit, knees tucked to my chest, watching the fire. Watching the flames and how they dance like some living thing, the flick of a serpent's tongue, perhaps. I watch intently so as to not pay too close attention to the way the light illuminates the rotting trunks of the trees, creating shapes out of nothing. At least, what I pray is nothing.
When you watch the wood long enough, it wakes and watches you back.
There's a wet cough to my left. I drag my eyes from the fire to where the man who calls himself Midas sits. He spits out another glob of phlegm to his side while continuing to hone his curved blade against a rough strip of leather.
Feeling my gaze, he looks up briefly, meeting me with his yellowed eyes. His eyes, he takes black paint, or powdered charcoal more likely, to create big black circles around them. 'Says it makes it harder for the wood to remember his face. Midas lets out an extra puff of air that might be his version of a chuckle before focusing once again on his black blade.
"You 'fraid?" the old man asks me.
I turn from Midas to meet the old man in the eyes. "Sure," I say with a small shrug.
The old man gives me a toothy grin. He's missing his left canine. Even with the fire between us, I can still smell his breath. He scratches the side of his face, over his grey scruff.
"Aren't you?" I decide to ask, tilting my head, but somehow I already know the answer.
"No," he says, this time with a bittersweet grin. His gaze shifts back to the fire. "There ain't too much to fear in the Old Wood."
I think about this. "But we're going to the Far Wood."
The old man chuckles, adjusting his shirt that must've once been white. "To get to one you need cross through the other." He gives me a smug look. "And I already done it once."
"So, is any of it true then?" I ask, "What the folk say."
"Sure," he says, "Parts of it."
"Which parts?"
Midas coughs loudly, several times, spitting more phlegm out. I can hear it fall into the dirt.
"In the Old Wood, gods walk among men," the old man continues, slowly moving his gaze from Midas back to me, "But in the Far Wood, men become gods."
"Is this what it's about, old man? You want to become a god?" Midas sneers. He looks at me, "I wouldn't listen to him. He doesn't know what he's talking about." He nods his head toward the old man.
"And you do?" I ask, "You said so yourself you haven't ever been to the Far Wood."
"And you think he has?" Midas asks me, before turning back to the old man. "Tell me, old man, why didn't you become a god your last venture to the Far Wood?"
The old man is unperturbed by Midas' antics. He keeps his eyes on me and speaks in the same even tone when he says, "I didn't want to become a god."
Midas makes a noise. "You listen here," he says, peering into me with those black-ringed eyes, "The only gods there is, is the wood themselves. People don't become gods, they just become less human."
There's silence for a moment, until Midas coughs and spits again. The fire crackles loudly and one of the logs takes a tumble, creating a sound that feels as though it echoes all around us. Sparks rise up, hissing, into the black, starless sky.
"The folk say," I begin, "That the folk who die in the Outland wake up in the wood if you drag their bodies onto its soil." I look between Midas and the old man. "That true?"
The old man doesn't say anything.
Midas looks from the old man to me, "I ain't' ever drug a corpse with me into the Old Wood, so I can't say." He flicks his blade one more time against the leather before pointing its end to me, "But if you'd like we can kill you now and if you wake we'll have the answer." His teeth are grey when he grins at me.
"We ain't killing the girl," the old man says firmly.
"Have you or haven't you seen the dead walk when you, either of you've, been into the Old Wood?" I ask.
There's a long pause, and no remark from Midas. So the old man says, "There's a lot you see in the Old Wood; hard to know what all was in front of you or in your mind," he taps his temple.
"That's still a very non-answer," I say, moving my arms behind me to lean back.
"That's about as much an answer as you'll get," Midas says, putting his leather strap somewhere in his coat before laying out on his black wolf hide.
We listen to Midas' snores before the old man speaks again, "There ain't nothin' in the wood that can hurt you, not even the gods can, as long as you don't give 'em permission to."
I look at him, take him in. His long, grey hair is tied at the nape of his neck. The shirt that used to be white is missing a button at the top, so I can see his rusted, silver pendant necklace he's wearing around his neck. And his eyes, irises that are nearly black even when it's light out.
"Then how come so many people ain't ever come back? I ask him. I want to know.
He gives me that same bittersweet smile. "Because they didn't follow the rules."
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hi!! This is such a fascinating story and I can't wait to know more about it!
You had a very interesting world building - the Old Wood, the Far Wood, and the Outland. I'm very curious about what exactly they are and what things are in them, respectively. Also, what exactly are the gods and the rules? There are just so much to explore!
I also love your writing style, especially how you mixed the conversations with the environment and character descriptions. They made the scene feel even more real and created a silent, creepy atmosphere. Your language and world choice are very attractive and impressive, and I couldn't help but lost myself in your writing.
Will there be more of this piece? I really look forward to your future writings!
Hi! Thanks for your comment, this was sort of a fleshing out process of an idea I have been thinking about for a while. There will be more soon but I%u2019m still trying to come up with all the rules and whether or not I want Midas to be right about the wood or the Old man
I love this story, and I would love to see it as a full short story, or novel, even. You start off with just a few campers talking, then you realize the depth of the situation. There is a tension in the air between the characters that feels like a knife covered in a thin layer of wool, press too hard and get stabbed in the gut. The way you speak of gods and men becoming gods is interesting, and what is especially interesting is your choice of the name Midas. If I remember correctly, Midas was either a god or someone with the powers of a god. And the rules you speak of only further reveal the knife under the wool, an ever-present reminder and threat at the same time.
I would love to see more of this, please post more!
Thanks for sharing your feedback! This is a concept I have for a logg bf er story so I was trying to flesh it out a little and see what people think! I%u2019m glad you enjoyed it
This piece has a quiet intensity to it that really stuck with me. You start with something simple — someone sitting at a fire — and within just a few lines, you build this subtle but growing unease that doesn't rely on jump scares or gore. It’s more about what’s implied, and that works really well here.
Your descriptions are one of the strongest parts of this. That image of the flames dancing “like the flick of a serpent’s tongue” stood out right away — it’s specific, unsettling, and immediately gives the fire its own personality. Throughout the scene, you use details that do a lot of quiet work: the rotting trees, the coughing, the painted eyes, the stink of someone’s breath, the shirt that used to be white. It builds a sense of place that’s lived-in and slightly wrong, but not cartoonishly evil. It feels real — which is what makes it creepy.
The dialogue felt natural, especially between the old man and the narrator. There’s something eerie about the way he speaks, like he’s seen too much to care whether anyone believes him or not. And I liked the dynamic between him and Midas — how they clearly don’t trust each other but still exist in the same space, probably because neither one wants to be alone in the woods. Their relationship is tense, but not dramatic for the sake of it. It adds to the mystery instead of forcing it.
Midas, too, is written well. His coughing, the way he keeps sharpening his blade, the charcoal rings around his eyes — he’s a strange character, but you don’t over-explain him. He just is, and that’s enough to make him interesting. He’s clearly dangerous, but you also get the sense he’s scared underneath it all. The whole thing with the black circles and trying to stop the wood from “remembering his face” was so weird in a good way. That detail alone made the whole thing feel deeper, like there’s a whole set of folklore and superstition behind this world that we’ve barely touched yet.
And then there’s the narrator. She’s steady, observant, and not overly emotional — which actually makes her more compelling. She doesn’t freak out, but she is scared, and that balance makes her voice feel real. I also liked that she’s not naïve. She asks questions, notices things, but doesn’t push too hard — like she knows there are some answers she won’t get, and she’s just trying to survive this journey.
The whole idea of the Old Wood vs. the Far Wood, and people becoming gods — it’s bizarre, but in a way that feels intentional. There’s no info-dump, and I respect that. You’re letting the reader learn piece by piece, which makes the whole story feel layered. That line — “In the Old Wood, gods walk among men. But in the Far Wood, men become gods” — is one of those lines that sticks with you. It’s bold and vague in a way that makes you want to know more.
A few suggestions, just to polish things a bit:
There are a couple sentences that get a little tangled, especially in Midas’s introduction. For example:
“His eyes, he takes black paint, or powdered charcoal more likely...”
Could be reworded for clarity. Something like: “He paints black circles around his eyes — charcoal, probably. Says it makes it harder for the wood to remember his face.” Clean, but still unsettling.
I wouldn’t mind just a bit more grounding around why they’re traveling at all. I know we’re supposed to feel lost and disoriented, but even a vague mention of the purpose (a rumor, a reason, a name) might help give the story direction.
That said, this story doesn’t need a ton of explanation. It already does a great job of holding the reader’s attention by building tension through voice, world, and tone. It’s confident writing — and the fact that you're not trying to overexplain every strange thing makes it feel even more real. It’s bananas — in the sense that it’s offbeat and unpredictable — but in a way that feels grounded in its own logic. That’s hard to do, and you pull it off here.
This has a lot of potential. Honestly, I’d love to read more. Whether it’s part of a longer project or a stand-alone piece, it’s strong, strange, and really well done. Keep writing — you clearly know how to balance mystery, worldbuilding, and character without overloading the reader. I’m genuinely impressed.
This piece has a quiet intensity to it that really stuck with me. You start with something simple — someone sitting at a fire — and within just a few lines, you build this subtle but growing unease that doesn't rely on jump scares or gore. It’s more about what’s implied, and that works really well here.
Your descriptions are one of the strongest parts of this. That image of the flames dancing “like the flick of a serpent’s tongue” stood out right away — it’s specific, unsettling, and immediately gives the fire its own personality. Throughout the scene, you use details that do a lot of quiet work: the rotting trees, the coughing, the painted eyes, the stink of someone’s breath, the shirt that used to be white. It builds a sense of place that’s lived-in and slightly wrong, but not cartoonishly evil. It feels real — which is what makes it creepy.
The dialogue felt natural, especially between the old man and the narrator. There’s something eerie about the way he speaks, like he’s seen too much to care whether anyone believes him or not. And I liked the dynamic between him and Midas — how they clearly don’t trust each other but still exist in the same space, probably because neither one wants to be alone in the woods. Their relationship is tense, but not dramatic for the sake of it. It adds to the mystery instead of forcing it.
Midas, too, is written well. His coughing, the way he keeps sharpening his blade, the charcoal rings around his eyes — he’s a strange character, but you don’t over-explain him. He just is, and that’s enough to make him interesting. He’s clearly dangerous, but you also get the sense he’s scared underneath it all. The whole thing with the black circles and trying to stop the wood from “remembering his face” was so weird in a good way. That detail alone made the whole thing feel deeper, like there’s a whole set of folklore and superstition behind this world that we’ve barely touched yet.
And then there’s the narrator. She’s steady, observant, and not overly emotional — which actually makes her more compelling. She doesn’t freak out, but she is scared, and that balance makes her voice feel real. I also liked that she’s not naïve. She asks questions, notices things, but doesn’t push too hard — like she knows there are some answers she won’t get, and she’s just trying to survive this journey.
The whole idea of the Old Wood vs. the Far Wood, and people becoming gods — it’s bizarre, but in a way that feels intentional. There’s no info-dump, and I respect that. You’re letting the reader learn piece by piece, which makes the whole story feel layered. That line — “In the Old Wood, gods walk among men. But in the Far Wood, men become gods” — is one of those lines that sticks with you. It’s bold and vague in a way that makes you want to know more.
A few suggestions, just to polish things a bit:
There are a couple sentences that get a little tangled, especially in Midas’s introduction. For example:
“His eyes, he takes black paint, or powdered charcoal more likely...”
Could be reworded for clarity. Something like: “He paints black circles around his eyes — charcoal, probably. Says it makes it harder for the wood to remember his face.” Clean, but still unsettling.
I wouldn’t mind just a bit more grounding around why they’re traveling at all. I know we’re supposed to feel lost and disoriented, but even a vague mention of the purpose (a rumor, a reason, a name) might help give the story direction.
That said, this story doesn’t need a ton of explanation. It already does a great job of holding the reader’s attention by building tension through voice, world, and tone. It’s confident writing — and the fact that you're not trying to overexplain every strange thing makes it feel even more real. It’s bananas — in the sense that it’s offbeat and unpredictable — but in a way that feels grounded in its own logic. That’s hard to do, and you pull it off here.
This has a lot of potential. Honestly, I’d love to read more. Whether it’s part of a longer project or a stand-alone piece, it’s strong, strange, and really well done. Keep writing — you clearly know how to balance mystery, worldbuilding, and character without overloading the reader. I’m genuinely impressed.
Thanks for your feedback! This is an idea I have for a larger story that wouldn%u2019t necessarily start with this snippet. I was just trying to flesh it out a little and see if it worked for anyone
Hello, My Friend!
Pleasure to meet you! My name is Raven, and I’d like to review this chapter, using my personal review style, the Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?
~ A full analysis and breakdown
Oh man, what a great first impression for a story!! The atmosphere you have going here, the chilling setting, the vague and eerie language from Midas and the Old Man...This is giving the vibe of surreal horror, and I am loving it! Let's get into the details though.
Plot and Pacing: Great! There's good pacing here. It's not too drawn-out for an introduction chapter, no info-dumps, no tropes or gimmicks. Just enough hook our interest and draw us into the world.
Descriptions and Setting: Fantastic!! I love your descriptions of the forest. What isn't creepier than the woods at night, with some gnarled black trees that seem to stare back at you? You likewise do a good job of establishing the characters' tones, and I do like the attention to expressions and body language.
Now this isn't a critique as much as a little bit of advice, but if I had to recommend anything in this section—especially since there's so much weight on the setting here—I think some attention to sensory notes would really just make this place sparkle. Maybe our narrator talks about the unnatural chill in the air, the goosebumps that won't go away, the fragrance of moist earth and decaying leaves (or something a little more ominous if you're looking to up the creep factor a bit
Characterization: I love the stark contrast between Midas and the Old Man, and the girl here. The girl feels rightfully nervous, yet still comes off as ignorant and lacking any experience with this place. The guys seem like they're gearing up for a big mission, with the charcoal and the blade-honing, yet seem so much more confident. All the while, it feels like nobody really knows for sure the true nature of this place...That was an interesting thing to note.
Grammar and Wording: Overarchingly? Looks great!
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations
This is where I shove more minor things that don't fit in the breakdown, such as typos and the like. And this time, I didn't really catch anything to put here! Great writing job~
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts
Well, it's a bit early to be forming theories, buuut...With all the mentions of death and corpses in relation to the Far Wood, not to mention the talk of men becoming gods, I can't help but wonder if there's some divine presence here? The opposite? A necromantic curse? Some other supernatural explanation? Ah, I am very curious about the truth behind these woods!
And now for some highlights and reactions, both for fun and to show what stood out as I read! Starting with...
Oh, what a line!! That immediately brought out the spooky atmosphere of this place and glued me to my screen.
Ooo, how eerie. I'm sure it's not so simple, and the distinction between the Old Wood and the Far Wood caught my attention here as well. Just how expansive is this woodland, and what is its full range of effects?? Hm...
"Just become less human" —now THAT sounds scary! I wonder what he meant by that...
What an awesome ending!!! So spooky, plus rules in a place like this are always cool. I mean, when it comes to writing, why have rules if not to break them, right? Haha!
MadThoughts...Overall, this was an awesome introductory chapter, and I would love to see this concept expanded upon, if you're planning to do so! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Thank you! This is a concept for a bigger story I%u2019ve been thinking about so I appreciate your review!
Wow! This was such an eerie read! I loved it!
You did a fantastic job building tension throughout the chapter! I actually found myself subconsciously leaning forward as I read! 
The cryptic dialogues and the old man's mysteriousness were chef's kiss! Seriously, the atmosphere was so vivid and unsettling in the best way.
Anyway, now for some constructive thoughts. While the tone really gave me chills, I felt that Midas's coughing was just a little repetitive and so maybe one less mention of him hacking up phelgm?
Also, I’d love to see a bit more internal reaction from the main character. Is she scared, fascinated, confused? We get some subtle hints, but diving a little deeper into her emotions could help us connect to her even more.
Overall, this was an awesome read full of mystery and tension. I’d absolutely keep reading to learn more about the Far Woods, the gods, and especially what happened to all the people who never came back!
Thank you for your review!