Young Writers Society

Dear you need to re do this I think,because there are numerous grammatical mistakes.
From that first day,

My goal was set

When our eyes met

I was like your little pet

Age is just a number

But these number’s are to high

I was broken,

Yet, I wont be just another gambling token

Your like a drug

And I'm an addicted

Its going to be hard to stop

Because I was taught to keep fighting

I have to confess, I agree with Firestarter here (incidently, Jack, did Brad die and make you the new YWS Grouch?...I'm kidding. Really. Don't eat me ). If you really want people to take your poetry seriously, farikk, you do have to try a bit harder to catch the errors before you post, and put a bit more thought into what you're writing.

Just to let you know the sort of thing I'm talking about:

When our eye met
I was like you little pet[/i]

Unless you're talking about two cyclopes, that should be "our eyes" and, incidentally, "you" should be "your."

Age is just a number
But these number’s are to high

There is no apostrophe in the plural of numbers, and "to" should be "too."

Your like a drug
And I'm an addicted

Hi farikk,

If you want this poem seriously, please check your work. Swapping between capitalising I and not capitalising i is irritating for the reader. Not to mention the numerous grammar mistakes.

You pursue a contrived rhyme in the first stanza but then abandon it for the rest of the poem. Why?

The lack of real idea, structure or organisation in this "poem" strikes me as it lacking effort or real thought. If you want to write better, I think you should spend more time on your piece.

Good luck!