It hasn’t been too long
Since I first met bob
We exchanged a few words
And fewer nods.
Close to my bedside
He appeared every night
Hovering over the mosquito net
Not far from sight.
We never talked much
Just a “hello, there”
And a “night”,
“do take care”.
A few weeks in
And it began to feel
like we’re roommates
Living at an inn
Slowly, things felt less ‘new’
And somewhere
Along the line
A sense of familiarity grew
More words were exchanged
good laughs too
Some made up stories
And some that were true.
I lowered the bars
Of my firmly constructed fence
As I became complacent
with his misty appearance
I named him bob
On the very first day
He didn’t seem to mind
he said it was okay.
He’s paler than most
Not too scary either
but loves pulling pranks
and annoying others
In spite of it all
the two of us get along
like the lyrics
in a perfectly rhymed song
If you look past his deadiness
And the fact that he’s a poltergeist
You’ll see how much fun we have
scheming impossible heists.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey! Cello here for a quick review!
Very interesting poem. You took what seemed to be a very simple concept, 'A friend names Bob', and turned it into a rather interesting story.
Now, even if he's just a ghost, Bob's name should be capitalized.
The third line here throws off the flow. 'Mosquito' it too long. Maybe give him another item to be near. 'Hovering near the nightstand' or 'hover near the candle'. Just throw in another 'thing' with fewer syllables.
Even though they're on different lines, 'night' and 'do take care' should share a set of quotation marks. (You were going for 'Night, do take care', right?)
'We never talked much
Just a “hello, there”
And a “night,
do take care”.
If you were going for those two lines as a single farewell, then this is what it should look like. If you were going for something else then whoops on my part.
Instead of italicizing the 'okay' you could simply put it in quotation marks which would not only look better but would stick with the pattern.
Speaking of patterns...
You start the poem out in ABCB pattern then switch to ABCD and then to ABCA. After that's it's just a mess of random patterns. It's fine to not rhyme a poem but changing rhyme schemes isn't always the best. For this poem, I guess it worked out, but be cautious on future poems. It's not a good habit to get into.
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
The poem is one the coolest poem which i had read.There was complete different representation of the character named 'Bob'.The title of the poem 'My friend,Bob' is different from the content in the poem. The use of rhyming words was seen in the poem. You tried to beautify this poem in all possible ways of yours ,and it was a great effort from you.Try to improve your writing skill .I will hope for the best next time
I love the lyrical quality of your piece. I also love the reveal at the end of the poem. The poem is light and funny the rhyming is great too. However, you have to be careful with it. The difficulty of rhyming is that sometimes it can sound forced. This is why I very very rarely write rhyming poems; its very difficult. There are a few places where the rhyming sounds very forced. For example:
A few weeks in
and it began to feel
Like we were roommates
Living in an inn
I think you can see what I mean by forcing a rhyme. There are a few other places like this. I suggest that you edit it to sound more natural and change the rhyme.
Also, here you abandoned the rhyme scheme. I suggest that you work in a rhyme, but don't force it:
He's paler than most
Not too scarier either
He loves pulling pranks
And annoying others
You could also just cut out that stanza. It doesn't add as much as other stanzas.
All in all it is a great poem. There are just a few technical problems I think you should address. Sorry I couldn't be of more help. Rhyming poems are tough. Good luck!