E - Everyone

Too Good To Be True

I was kneeling before an old, blue-robed wizard. He stood in front of me, about to put a golden crown upon my head. In that room, which was large and happened to have marble floors so clean I could eat off of it, was multitudes of people. The wizard, as he put the crown on my head, exclaimed:

"I now shall crown thee Queen of the Five Realms. May you be a prosperous and strong ruler all the days of your life. Long liveth the Queen!"

"Long liveth the Queen!" the people cried out in exuberant voices.

I turned towards the people. I felt awesome. I never knew that I would become a queen. The people bowed before me. I looked at myself and found out that I was robed in red and purple attire. It was edged with the shiniest gold.

The wizard bade me look at him and he gave me a golden scepter, on top of which was an amethyst.

"Take this Stick of Power, O mighty Queen of the Five Realms," he said, bowing. Turning towards the throng of men and women, he said:

"May she ruleth with dignity and goodness!" At that, the old wizard disappeared. No explanation could be said about this. I was confused.

A great feast was held in my honor. This made me forget about the wizard. Now, I wondered: how could I have actually become a queen? It was impossible. I was not the daughter of a king or a queen. I bore no royal blood whatsoever. 

My thoughts were interrupted by the succulent food that the servants prepared for me. They had my favorite food: fried chicken. What made it even better was that it smelled of cayenne pepper and red pepper flakes. 

Harpists and violinists cloaked in silver and red entered the room and they began to play music. Along with the music was the voices of many bards. They sang in an English dialect so heavy that I could barely understand them. I did enjoy their songs, though. It sounded way much better than the modern pop music they have on the radio. I had despised those songs greatly. This, however, was heaven.

Yet, something terrible had happened. I was starting to get rid of the confusion that I had. I had liked the idea of ruling. I had gotten used to it. Then, everything started to fade........

I woke up.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
tigeraye
Review

A great feast was held in my honor. This made me forget about the wizard.


That's a little bit...straightforward for a description. Why not instead of saying "This made me forget about the wizard," say "Upon the taste of the excellent cuisine prepared for me, the wizard slipped my mind."

Yet, something terrible had happened. I was starting to get rid of the confusion that I had. I had liked the idea of ruling. I had gotten used to it. Then, everything started to fade........

I woke up.


Heh, the old "it was all a dream" trope. I like how you foreshadowed the ending a bit with "The old wizard disappeared". Things like that just don't happen, unless it's a dream of course. Then you did it again by saying "Wait a minute? I'm not the queen!"

Cool piece, I liked it, really quirky and entertaining with on-par imagery. There are a couple of awkward sentences here and there like this one, though:

I was kneeling before an old, blue-robed wizard. He stood in front of me, about to put a golden crown upon my head. In that room, which was large and happened to have marble floors so clean I could eat off of it, was multitudes of people.


I'd read your stories aloud to see if it souns right, and sentence it in a way that would make more sense to say it. You brought up one description, added another and then went back to the other one. Finish your thought first, then bring up the secondary description. So in this instance, talk about the multitude of people and then maybe have the main character notice how the floor looks.

again, neat story. The ending made me chuckle ._.

Thank you! I'll try to fix the mistakes when I can. I am so glad you liked it. :D

User avatar
Mysticalxx
Review

Haha, nice! You've done a good job with description and imagery, I could 'see' the 'succulent' dishes and musicians in front of me! :) That's the job of a writer. There aren't any mistakes, as far as I can see, except this:
"Long liveth the Queen!" the poeple cried out in exuberant voices": Well, I'nm not sure that "exuberant" is the right word to put, because it is usally used to describe OBJECTS such as furniture or decorations. Perhaps you can check on this one :)

Anyway, nice job! Keep it up!

Mysticalxx

User avatar
dark
Review
dark wrote a review · Mon Aug 10, 2015 4:08 pm

This… This is a lovely work of art! It's adds in the mystery, the confusion, the insanity, that would be found within a dream. In the beginning, everything seemed so… Sensible, if that makes and sense, and then as the story went on, the world around this narrator began to make less and less sense. The part that puzzled me was that she began to also be confused, which as far as I know, doesn't happen with dreams, but with nightmares... Oh, but I am overthinking this. The ending was rather predictable, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Keep it up!

~The dark one



Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
— Mark Twain