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Love Can Heal Anything Part 2

by fantasydragon01


That evening, when the sun was almost gone, Charlotte finished her day's work of picking berries. How filled the basket was! Now, Mother could use them to make preserves and then sell them for money to support of the family. When Charlotte entered the house, she exclaimed:

"Mother, I'm home!"

Mrs. Richardson came to her, wearing a smock and an apron stained with berry juice. "My goodness, Charlotte!" she exclaimed. "Look at those berries. This year was plentiful. Very plentiful, indeed."

Her younger sister, Jane, also came into the room. Her hair was very dark and she possessed hazel eyes. She was very different from her older sister, in looks and in personality. She was not as quiet as Charlotte, and was more verbose than her. Yet she was a sister whom Charlotte loved dearly.

"Charlotte! How are you? Something strange happened today. When the young taxman, Isaac, I think was his name, came, he was admired by the library we had. He was very interested in our books and had asked if he could come over to see them. He said that in his home, there are very few books. He told us that he loved reading, but because he has so few books, he often had to travel two miles or so to the library."

"What did you all say?" inquired Charlotte.

"We said he could come over," replied Mrs. Richardson. "After all, he does love books, and I think it would be cordial of us to let him see our library. I think he will greatly enjoy it. He said he will come tomorrow morning at eleven o' clock."

"Now, let us eat dinner," said Jane. "I can smell the roast chicken. You must be hungry, after all that work. And look! you even have a slight sunburn. I think it is best if you don't work tomorrow. After all, most of the strawberries are picked."

After eating dinner with her mother, Jane, and her brothers, John and Thomas, Charlotte read a little in the library and went to bed. That night, while Charlotte was sleeping, she had a strange dream:

She was sitting on a bench in the middle of a verdant forest, with her hands buried in her face. She was weeping very hard. Tears rolled from her face. Her heart felt bruised and broken. Then she suddenly noticed that someone sat next to her and put his arm around her. It was her father, Mr. Richardson. His face was handsome, having the same brown hair and hazel eyes as Jane did. He looked troubled at the sight of his daughter lamenting.

"What seems to be the problem, daughter?" His voice was soft yet full of concern. Charlotte looked into the eyes of her father and was deeply surprised. She embraced him.

"Oh, father!" she exclaimed. "I know you are dead. I just cannot seem to move on with my life now that you are gone. My heart is broken into a million tiny pieces. I love you! I don't know how I could move on without you. Oh, father! What will I do? My heart can never be healed!"

"Love can heal anything," was the reply of her father.

Charlotte looked at him and wiped her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I understand your pains; it is exceedingly difficult to be better after losing someone by death. In fact, it is impossible. But love will heal your broken heart, not make it perfectly better that you will never, ever feel sad about the pains of loss. It will just be repaired. You will meet a man and fall in love with him. He will understand your pain and will comfort you to the best of his ability. He will show such affection for you and he will ask you to marry him. You must say 'yes' to his proposal. if you do, your life will be of happiness. And because of his love for you, your heart will heal."

"But how will I find this man? Who would he be?"

"I will guide you to him."


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Sun Jun 28, 2015 5:55 am
myjaspercat wrote a review...



Hello fantasydragon01,
Myjaspercat here to review...

So I kind of wanted to read and review part one first but I couldn't find a link to it so, if I mention something in my review that has already been said, sorry and I understand if you ignore. Onwards...

How filled the basket was!
---Ok, first nit pick, the sentence structure. It just seem weird and it doesn't flow right. Also I don't feel the need for the exclamation point; to overly excited for my taste.

Now, Mother could use them to make preserves and then sell them for money to support of the family.
---Alright, this doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the paragraph, and it's probably because it read like it was written in a different tense. Remember to stay consistent.

When Charlotte entered the house, she said:

"Mother, I am home!"
---UGH! (<- look there's my overly excitedness). Ok, so this bugs me and it's because your writing a story and not a paper for school. Dialogue shouldn't look so formal and all, so my suggestion would to rewrite it somewhat like this; "'Mother, I'm home!' Charlotte yelled as she walked into the frigid air of the house." Do you see what I mean?

"My goodness, Charlotte!"
---Again, enough with the whole exclamation mark thing, it's just to much.

Her younger sister, Jane, also came into the room. Her hair was very dark and she possessed hazel eyes. She was very different from her older sister, in looks and in personality. She was not as quiet as Charlotte, and was more verbose than her. Yet she was a sister whom Charlotte loved dearly.
---Ok, so I see you're trying to add detail here, and I applaud you for this but it's still like an info dump. Remember that even when you're adding detail, you still need to watch the way you word your sentences so they don't seem so bland.

What's the big deal with this whole Isaac thing? He seems important so slow down the sister's conversation to here sister and elaborate a bit.

Ok, this story seems really rushed. Your dialogue between the characters is just robotic and not normal. Don't be afraid to draw it out a bit and more substance in your story. Anyways, I don't know what else to say. If you have questions feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing---Myjaspercat
-----------------
"A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies." --George R. R. Martin






I apologize for everything. I will try to fix the problems. Also, I am not really good with the tenses, so it probably explains why I had a tense problem. I actually have a question for you: how do I improve on my tenses? I think it's really important to know. Thank you for the feedback.

fantasydragon01



myjaspercat says...


I'm glad I could help. To improve on tenses really is to just continue reading and writing. After you do write something make sure that you reread but read it out loud that way if something is off then you're more likely to notice it. Also, say you're writing in first person,
(if that's the case) then watch out for words such as 'her' or 'they' unless it is the narrator using them. For example;

"I stood by they fence, watching her, a scowl on my face." ---This would be a good example of first person

"She stood by the fence watching her, a scowl on her face." ---This isn't first person, you see the difference?

But yeah, just read and write a lot and keep an eye out. Good luck.





Thank you.



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Sun Jun 21, 2015 11:06 am
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artybirdy wrote a review...



This chapter’s much better than the previous one. I could see your efforts to show us the story. For example, you introduced her younger sister Jane. However, I still felt as if you rushed the chapter. It lacked in details and, therefore, ended too quickly.

For example:

After eating dinner with her mother, Jane, and her brothers, John and Thomas, Charlotte read a little in the library


Here, you can show us character interactions; give us an insight into the family and how they behave with each other. It could have exhibited Charlotte’s personality, and we would know more about her brothers other than their names. You might have also added a flashback as she sees a particular book and it reminds her of her father. This would have allowed you to develop the characters and the story.

She was weeping very hard.


I don’t think this is needed because the next sentence shows us that she’s crying.

I’ll guide you to him.


The ending was heart touching. It shows that even after people die, they look upon us and guide us throughout our lives. I liked it because it ended on a beautiful note.

Well done, and keep writing!






Thank you for the feedback. I'll try to fix anything that needs to be fixed.

fantasydragon01



ArtStyx says...


No problem! :)





I like your avatar---just saying'. :)



ArtStyx says...


Thanks! :D




If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven - and very, very few persons.
— James Thurber