-The wealth we have in common
Darkness.
When you are in it, you feel as though it is gobbling you up. The world is
covered with darkness here and there-hunger, poverty,discrimination, loneliness, violence, etc. .
The dark is the absence of light and the absence of hope. Is it fair for some
people to have light and for some to be born in the dark abyss? Isn’t there a
hope for the people living in the dark? Is there something in common that we
all have? Something precious?
The wealth we have in common-frankly I just spent half of my time thinking what is the wealth we have in common and this made me realize that when we talk about wealth ,we think of money. When I tried figuring out the answer to the question, I had a lot of problems. If I said that we all have a good pair of eyes or good health that would mean that I am neglecting people who are unwell. Well, I do hope that they get well soon. I really hope so. I thought maybe water could be the answer but again there are many countries in the world which are suffering without water. And I was back to square one.
We all have things that someone else might not have. We have good parents whom the orphans might not have. We have a talent that someone else might not have. We are allunique in our ways and our wealth is our own flair but what do we have in common? We are all homo sapiens. There should be some wealth that all of us have in common and we do have one-Time.
Well, they don’t say “Time is precious.” for fun. It is a magical wand that can turn tables around. It is a complicated, priceless gift. We can use it but we can’t own it, we can spend it but once it is lost we can never get it back. For many, it is just a bunch of numbers and for some it is just an alarm or a signal which tells them what they have to do. But is this the real value? It is true that friends, family are precious but without time do you think it will be the same?
Time waits for no one. Sometimes it drags on and sometimes it flies. We just take everything lightly. For us, time might be just another tick tock. We might say a second does not matter. Try asking a person who came second in a running race just because of a 0.1 second difference. It might be just a one day, one week, one month or a year for us but to people who have lost because of letting the time slip away every second matters to them.
It is the most influential factor in the world. There were times when I wished I could return and correct the mistakes I made in my past. Everyone wants a book or something like that when they are asked to make a wish but I wish I had a time machine- a time machine that could take me back to my happiest moments. Even now as I am typing this essay, I wish I had spent more time with my friends because school just ended, it was our last day and I wasted my time doodling in a book. How stupid of me?
Basically, today this is what all of us are doing. It is either we waste our time on unimportant stuff or on the materialistic things of our life. Our money does not give us happiness all the time. Money can be restored once lost but time can’t be. Our life is filled with sorrow, joy, craziness, tears, pain, anger, forgiveness and a mixture of emotions. But our life still goes on till our time ends. Remember the story of the Professor and the Jar. It actually teaches us how to spend our life by giving importance to the right things.
In the beginning of my essay I raised a question-“ Is it fair for some people to have light and for some to be born in the dark abyss? Isn’t there a hope for the people living in the dark?”Well, I would like to answer the question with my favorite quote of Albus Dumbledore,”It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow up to be.” It is true, isn’t it? It does not matter whether we’re rich or poor, we all have the same weapon which can rule the world. All that matters is how you use the weapon.We all have time. Even the rich can’t buy time with their money. It is all now up to us how we use it.
Live every moment. Love every day.
Before you know it time will slip away.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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There are some grammatical mistakes you have in the opening paragraph, and it drains away some of the effect of your words, but I really enjoyed the intro to be honest.
"The world is covered with darkness here and there- hunger.." Instead of a dash there I think a colon is a better selection there since you immediately begin to list types of darknesses next.
Second paragraph probs: "When I tried figuring out the answer to the problem.." Ask yourself if this sentence is really necessary or if it just zips on to the next thought fine without it. Again same thing when you say, "Well I hope they get well. I really do."
What is your point for adjoining one and Time to make one-Time? It doesn't read well, although if you had a meaning behind it then let it stay if you desire.
"Well they don't say 'Time is Precious.' For nothing." Comma instead of period after precious.
"It is a magical wand that can turn tables around. It is a complicated, priceless gift. We can use it but we can’t own it, we can spend it but once it is lost we can never get it back." - What I like about this is how you make time a magical wand for the person who knows how to properly wield it; it's such an interesting vantage point to see it from, and in my eyes the Glowing Pinnacle of this piece. In all these three sentences however you keep repeating It is, which is rather a choppy read when you could just use the contraction it's after the first time.
"It is true that friends, family are precious but without time do you think it will be the same?" - I love the concept you touch on here: everything changes, things can decay or fall into disrepair. Things can be taken away from you. But did you mean to say, "But without time do you think it will be the same?" - or did you mean to say with time?
"Try asking a person who came second in a running race just because of a 0.1 second difference." - I know what you mean but you didn't finish writing your idea. Try asking them if that tenth of second made enough of a difference to spoil weeks of training. Always try and elaborate so we can feel how much time was consumed but to just miss first place. Make sure we can feel having just missed something we grinded so hard for.
Make the time machine part a sentence of it's own and let the book with the wish concept preceding it stand alone too; it's kind of a run on sentence without dividing them. "because school just ended, it was our last day.." without a semi-colon there this one is also a run-on as well.
"Basically, today this is what all of us are doing. It is either we waste our time on unimportant stuff or on the materialistic things of our life." - Sentence one: I know what you are trying to express, but rethink how you tried to articulate that there. Sentence two: Wait, I don't see a difference. Are you saying that material things are important and everything else is not or are you saying material things are not important and something else is? I totally was not grasping what you wished me to understand in that.
I do not know the story of the Professor and the Jar. I know you told us the lesson of the story, but You could put another line or two in there to summarize that story for us and we would be very grateful.
Okay so now on to my favorite part, approximating the value behind what's in your message!! I think one of the most poignant things you posed, was in a nutshell, that there may come times in a life where friends and family are few and far-between, or simply when no one possesses the ability to comfort you in the affliction that is gnashing down on you (I know you didn't say that so far but this is mostly what it made me think). I mean, I wonder if those times have purpose: maybe to ask us why do we always rely and lean on other humans to support us? I mean, how far can they really help us if we all meet the time of our end and they will NEVER be able to help us again. Again, how can you really love every day when the dreams will end quicker than they'd begun, and even more unexpectedly? Time may not slip, it may just Pounce! When death is a mystery to people, how can they relax enough to enjoy anything, anything at all?? What are the important things we should spend our time on? Giving for our fellow comrades peace of mentality and consolation of mind: when we are all shadows progressing into The Endless Night? What is rich or poor when WE and all things of earth fade off and fade out. Wealth can't be anything to be found here. Whatever's important must be some kind of ether, in all honesty, cause even diamond can be reduced back to fire, not hard enough to escape being wiped away into simple energy. In fact, energy is all that ever survives, so the more airy the more Raw Worth something actually possesses. Why do we try to be secure in what we see and can grind against? Should it not be the opposite?
I know I went on a rant there, but those are the thoughts you turned my mind to, which means you did a fantastic enough job in the thought-provoking department, and I think that's a key ingredient to a good article. 94/100 I give you for this!!! Thank you for writing this, you stimulated me much!!
That was a very good essay I think and I thought it had some really good points and I loved the Albus quote, that is an amazing quote. I like that you work us through all your reasonings on why time is so important and it is something that we usually have. I think this is a great point and is very true. and it is always good to start a essay with a question and end the essay by anwsering the question.
Anyway I think you got your message across well, so good job.
Burrow
This sounds like a bit more of a rant and or vent than anything. It was confusing in some places. I get what you are trying to say but it is not expressed very clearly and may be even more confusing for some.
"When you are in it, you feel as though it is gobbling you up. The world is covered with darkness here and there-hunger, poverty,discrimination, loneliness, violence, etc. ."
When you are in it sounds kind of elementary. Fix: The darkness is consuming. When you stand alone in it, you feel as though it is eating you alive. The world is shrouded with darkness here and there: hunger, poverty, discrimination, etc.
" talk about wealth ,we think of money."
Fix the comma.
"We are allunique in"
Fix.
"There should be some wealth that all of us have in common and we do have one-Time."
Last word is confusing.
"We can use it but we can’t own it, we can spend it but once it is lost we can never get it back. "
I like what you are saying here.
"Before you know it time will slip away."
Add comma after before you know it.
The beginning was not strong at all, rather the end was. Just fix the beginning and the essay itself will be more complete, or at least I think.
Thanks for your review!I will correct my mistakes.