Published August 16, 2008
face always covered, by the hair,
alone and hurting, too many problems,
im there, forever will be,
ill love you always, know that,
rarely outspoken, random and kind,
a spot in their heart, just for me,
forever and ever, always,
distance so great, cant deny it,
growing apart, yet always united,
bright and curious, the eyes are locked,
on the unknown future, i play apart,
waiting to see together, yet separate
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Canary word: Present
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141,448 Literary Works • 674,460 Reviews
I liked it!!
~Your bestie, Ashlee!~
I'm going to be blunt, this was not good. Most teenage love poems aren't. There is very little description and what description is there is incredibly cliché. This was a sugarcoated critique, and, even from me, thats not good. The problem with most love poems is that they are like this and don't have the ability to be retooled without loosing their, well, 'love'. This does pale in one aspect to other love poems, and that is flow. Usually that is a love poems saving grace. That being said, the fact that the flow is off is a good thing because you strayed away from rhymes ((usually)) and at least attempted some literary effects. That being said, its not very good, and I don't feel its very salvagable. When you embark on your next poetic endeavor be sure to try your hardest to include literary devices such as motifs, deeper imagery, enjabment, syncope, among others.
Overall Rating - Bad