Around midnight we
shut off the lights and left our fetal pigs to chill.
We found an all night diner that smelled
of formaldehyde
and biscuits baking.
I ordered coffee and you ordered
cherry pie, and the waitress who brought them
was homozygous for blue eyes and
had a scar above her zygomatic arch.
As an unseen radio sang about
cheating hearts, we found that
happiness is zero-sum, and
simulating mitosis with stray peas
on the tabletop
is the most fun we can have
without causing cancer in lab rats.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
Very funny! I liked it extremely, though several words didn't register... ah well! It doesn't matter to me, I still like it! Random, but wonderful! More!
Goldie
Okay, now I noticed the title and I can tell why this poem seemed full of 'open air' to me. okay, sorry to bother you...
It reminded me of a not-so-nice comment about poetry I read in Stephen King's "On Writing".....
Don't get me wrong, the poem really does sound interesting. The poem just isn't my style, but....apart from complaining, what is the point of this poem?
That sounds very condescending, but I don't mean it that way. our styles just don't mesh at all. I could have saved you the trouble of reviewing, but all those big words (and I'm not saying that because I don't understand them, I'm taking Chemistry) in poetry complicate an already complex thing.
There is more than one way to describe something, and I just feel like there's open air in this poem. Was there any situation that inspired this poem? If so, could you share it with me, then I might be able to see it through your eyes. Best of luck.
If the title wasn't an over-simplication it would have been a little better. The poem itself, however, was good, albeit quite random. It made me laugh, which is a good thing.
I thought that was pretty good, I wasn't sure what to expect with the title and I was pleasantly suprised. I can't really offer and criticisms - I'd have to look up to many words