Published December 31, 2009
I hate to say this,
especially to you,
It is the worst thing,
I will ever need to do,
Giving you a hug,
As tears drip from my eye,
The worst thing I will ever say,
Is Goodbye…
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140,852 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Cool! Thanks everyone!
It's based on how many people gave you a gold star, meaning that they liked your work. The button is right next to the Quick Reply. Right now, you have four stars.
Oh my lord! How did i get on the featured works list? Is it based on how many views you have, or what?
Aww...I couldve sworn a tear came to my eye as i read this....
keep up the good work..
i just came one year older..
youve got talent....seriously...
and i was surprised to see that you were 11 but then again im not...ha
the younger you start on something you love the better..
Honestly, I hate poetry. But I really like your poem. It was simple and to the point. I didn't have to figure out what you were talking about, which is what I hate most about poetry. So good job! The only critique I have for you is your word choice in this line:
I don't know why but drip made me think of you as a leaky faucet. Perhaps fall would be better suited? However that is entirely up to you.
Good job!
Very short, but I can really relate to this. I really hate saying goodbye.
However, I'm wondering why you have every line ending in a comma. Poems, for the most part, follow regular punctuation conventions. Basically, if you took out all the line breaks and rewrote the poem on one line, it should still make perfect sense and all the punctuation should be in the proper place. With proper punctuation, your poem would look something like this:
Still, I really enjoyed this poem.
Hi there Fairy!
I usually never review poetry but it never hurts to try something new. Even if one sucks at it, right? So, I believe this may be just a nice, complementing review.
The rhyming scheme flows smoothly and it doesn't sound jarring or forced. Each line is smooth and just floats into the next, making perfect sense.
It's a terribly sad poem. It is rather difficult to say goodbye to anyone/thing. I know from experience.
However, I doubt you need the constant comma after each line. I believe I was told once that treat the lines like sentences. So, whenever it feels like there should be a period instead of a comma, then place it there. Like:
Also, you don't need to capitilize every line, because as I said above, treat them like rhyming sentences. Wherever there is a period in the last line, a capital on the next. Wherever there is a comma in the last line, a non-capital.
Hope I helped!
Meadow
Short, simple, and good. Especially at 11 yrs old! I feel like the use of punctuation distracts from the verb-age. Try counting syllables, if you parallel the syllables in your verses it can have an astonishing effect!