Published September 16, 2007
I was born to die
To live my life amid imperfection
To struggle against the unknown
As happiness was destined to be my goal
Full of knowledge,
I was slow to learn my lessons.
Pain became my cross,
I carried it proudly.
“Why me,” I asked?
“Why not you!” came the reply.
Is my lot in life endless suffering,
Or will there be a time of release?
The important constants that exist,
Can only be divined spiritually.
I am torn between two worlds
My mind reels.
In realization I let it all go,
I die to reborn.
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140,952 Literary Works • 673,781 Reviews
I'm not so sure I like it as much as Gadi...
It could have potential, but as it is, it's hard for me to feel anything from it. There is emotion in this but nothing I can really feel, you understand? It's poetically bland, to speak plainly. Consider your word choice, and how you could use imagery and the senses to make your reader feel. Think about your purpose for this poem: What do you want your reader to feel/think when they've finished reading this poem? Try to create that. You can't just tell the reader about how you asked questions, and do this, and that, you really have to create something for us to feel. I hope that make sense, because I'm not entirely sure it does?
If you have any questions, though, feel free to Pm me.
"Torn between two worlds" is life and death, to answer your question Gadi.
Nice! It feels really deep. I especially liked the last line. My favorite stanza was the allusion to the cross, it makes it so much more spiritual.
This was, however, quite confusing. "I am torn between two worlds
My mind reels." I was clueless about what this was about. What were the two worlds? Life and death? Happiness and suffering?
My least favorite stanza was " Is my lot in life endless suffering?
Or will there be a time of release." It does not have any effect on the poem, as it only repeats the main message that runs through it.
Otherwise, this lyric poem is rich, in a lyric way. It's deep, something that we can all relate to.