Shadow light

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

A world where being other than humans exist, a place where light and darkness collide pushing humanity to the verge of extinction. The only hope humanity have are those chosen by the light. “We didn’t wish for this power, we are just the government disposable puppets. To them, we are just livestock for those monsters!” Amidst despair and hope, the hero who fought for the sake of survival fall to the pitch black abyss watching their friends die one after the other. “Welcome fallen heroes, to the eternal abyss. We will show you the destruction of the world that you longed for, come, join us fallen ones! The eternal abyss where we, the cursed one rule over all shall make them pay for what you have gone through!” Temptation of the devil devoured the only hope humanity have. “We can’t raise our weapons against them! Even if they’re no longer on our side, they are still people who fought side by side with us!” The desperate cries of survival, a battle of former comrade killing each other. “Ahaha, humans are such an easy creature, you only need to push them to a corner and they’ll follow all you command like a mindless puppet!” A man hidden by the shadows watched from afar as if everything was just a game. “The world will without a doubt perish and these mindless people who are afraid of every single drop of blood will be the ones responsible, not the demons nor the devils.” “What are you afraid of!? Kill them, kill every last one of them! Can’t you see those people are nothing but monsters! They are nothing more than lifeless bodies, from now on, Choose whether you live or survive whether you die or live and whether you kill or be killed!” Amongst darkness there will always be a tiny hope of light that determine the balance of a battle. “The cursed one? Are you mocking me? Those low life isn’t even worth mentioning and you dare associate me with the likes of them!? Haha, I’ll give you a chance to save your petty little life, now drop to your knees and beg me for your life!” Can humanity survive this predicament? A battle of survival and games, between those who holds the power and those who doesn’t.

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As I'm curious to the rest, I'll review this in the mean time.

As my predecessor said, having just one paragraph doesn't work as well. It's clunky and makes it less appealing to read altogether.

The paragraph itself, however, isn't written that well either. Grammar mistakes aside, most of those had to do with punctuation and the distinction between singular and plural, there were some weird descriptions as well.

For example, the guy hidden in the shadows who was looking at everything as a game: if you were to describe his actual thought process, the reader might infer that he views everything as a game. But you can't physically look at something like it is a game.

Anyhow, while I'm certainly curious as to what you had in mind for this story, it's execution is rather poor. Once you've published a larger piece of text, it'll be easier to review and nit pick concrete grammar mistakes made to help you out with that.

Coins are earned by doing reviews in the green room. First publishing is free, along with the first four gifts given. There is also a free publishing day each month under the premise you do reviews in the green room the next day.

Welcome to YWS by the way.

Your story was good but it could be better, the large paragraph is one aspect I would suggest fixing. It's to large, and doesn't flow well. Somehow I don't feel like this is the whole thing either, but rather a single part.