Young Writers Society

Hey hunny wikid poem xxxx




LYM XXX


Shelley xx

Hey I know that eviefizz's and my poem are really similar but me and eviefizz go to the same school and we are in this same class so therefore we had the same homework. eviefizz didnt copy me at all.

Eve this is a really good poem and im sure you got a really good mark.

*snorts* Come on, guys, give this a chance. It could be a cut-up poem from a list of cliches, you know? Cut-up poems rock.

Nice try, but make up your own lines next time.

Well...*frowns*
It's definitely not my kind of poem--too, erm, soppy.
Also, I couldn't help but notice that someone called Darren_Shan_fan wrote a poem that is very, very similar. The exact same title, theme and lines, pretty much. You didn't copy them, did you? 0_o

There were alot of cliches and I don't like the rhythm very much--too choppy. The strenght of an ox? The heart of a lion? No offense, but I really hate poems that praise and idolize one person and don't make the reader feel anything. This poem is basically just a cliched description of some guy.

I hate to sound mean, but I was just giving you my honest opinion.

Not bad... I think.

I didn't like the structure that much; I prefer the good structures of traditional sranzas compared to this - I feel as though it affects the flow and rhythm of it all and makes it seem less poetic than it should. I'd say that this was personal preference, but I do think that you could improve it with a little editing.

I liked the idea; at first we think that it is a 'soppy' and cliched poem about a boy at school but as we get to the end, we see that it is just a cliched poem about God. I think that's what was intended anyway.

I didn't like the cliche's much, I think you overdid it. Also, I think you could use different terms to; "He's so gorgeous." This seemed a little desperate and not very poetic at all; more domineering, like a stalker.

Good idea, but it could do with some editing.
GingerLove

this poem is rather Hallmark (sp?). it could be on a valentine's day card. im sorry but its terribly cliche.

the whole "eyes like blue oceans" and "golden strands of hair" really do nothing for me anymore, ive read those lines since i was in kindergarden.

also "heart of a lion"?
lions can be very dangerous, i dont think you'd want someone with a heart of one, maybe a heart of a lamb, but thats overused too.

id just say go back and try again, this time paying attention to specifics that make your guy special, rather than the overused phrases that every romantic quotes.

I suppose that it would be a good poem to give to someone as a gift, and they would find it sweet, but as a poem to share with many people and have them admire, it falls rather short...

Realize that poetry attempts to make the reader feel. You should make us feel some affection and caring for this boy. We don't really know a whole lot about him, other than the descriptions you are giving, and it sounds like anyone...

You're young though, and poetry is hard. So I suggest you curl up with a nice books of poems, or perhaps a book on how to write poetry, and spend a while learning. ^_^


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