Fear

And here's your second review. Hopefully these brought a little of that Christmas cheer back to you!

So, I really love short poems. I love them because they remind us out of necessity that we must be cautious and thoughtful with every single word we choose to write. I like that you chose some strong words to hold up your theme. I think working "stings" with "linger" is really nice, because it drags the pain out, which is something a lot of people definitely fear.

But some of your words are not quite as powerful. For example, when you think carefully, the following words don't really have any concrete meaning:

horrible, thing, just, feeling, attempts, hindered.

Horrible just means bad, which is a vague word. In what way is it bad? You can find something stronger, and definitely a word stronger than "thing". Feeling doesn't really work either, because there are all kinds of feelings, and it's just really general, so it ends up reading empty.

You might want to argue about attempts and hindered. They both mean specific things. But the reason I've listed them is that they have smaller words at their core and that makes them feel padded and weak. Attempt means try and hindered means (basically) stopped. Try and stopped are both simpler and more concrete, but once you break those words down to their cores, you see they're not really that vivid either.

I know this poem was written a long time ago, but maybe it will be easier for you to revisit because of that fact. Try bringing in vivid words whose implications alone evoke the feeling of fear. What scares you? Base your word choices on that. Consider brainstorming all the words related to what you fear and pick out the best, most vivid ones for your new version of Fear!

Hope this review was helpful.
PM me with any questions or comments, please.
Good luck and keep writing!!

I think this poem is very similar to the poems I write. It's short and it gets to the point. I think there is something beautifully simplistic about short poetry and trying to convey a deep message in one or two stanzas. My only complaint would be that the last line is a little weak and could be said clearer. With that said, I think this is very good, and if its your style, stick with it!

I think this poem is very similar to the poems I write. It's short and it gets to the point. I think there is something beautifully simplistic about short poetry and trying to convey a deep message in one or two stanzas. With that said, I think this is very good, and if its your style, stick with it!

@WRITINGNEON: Thanks lots! I know the last line's a bit iffy but Like I said, I wrote in a short amount of time and hindered was the only word I could think of in such a short amount of time. It was one of those class activities where you have to write a poem in a super short burst of time!

@katngo73: Thank you!! Well, when I said short, I meant it lol Thanks again! I've been meaning to work on it but I need inspiration... I'm also trying to see how much of a message I can put in few words.

this is a pretty good poem. i know you said it would be short, but i didn't expect just one stanza. I think it rhymed pretty well, but you should try to think of the bigger picture. I think short would be two or even three stanzas, but you did pretty well, and good job
KEEP WRITING!!!!!!


-Kat

Fear, a horrible thing.
Just the feeling of it stings.
Haunting thoughts linger,
Attempts to forget are hindered.
THIS IS AWESOME but the last part doesnt flow, it rymes just doesnt ring like
......................................
Fear, a horrible thing.
Just the feeling of it stings.
....................................

other than that it awesome

Thanks!!! I would love to add more to it. There are a lot of things that haunt me daily. I promise to you and EtCetera that I'll make it longer one day, ok? lol It's just that...I've had an immense writer's block for at least 3 months now. Haven't written a poem in a long time that hasn't been for a class assignment. *sigh* Sorry for that lol Thanks for the awesome tips! They really help.

I totally agree with adding more to it. I think if you are able to keep up that descriptive lagnuage you should easily be able to make a really touching and complex poem that would be so fun to study. Try to add in why you are scared, what is making you fearful. Just a few tips, nothing you have to take to heart

Thank you very much for your criticism. This was one of my first poems, and I've been actually wanting to make it longer for a little while. I wrote it in 10 minutes so that does not exactly allow for much expression.. Thanks for the encouragement.

Umm... Short is often sweet, but I really do think fear is too complex of a subject to be summed up in four lines. You did do a very good job with what you did do, the whole thing rhyming and such... The words you've selected are pretty good, I just get the feeling of wanting more of this poem. Keep writing.