Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
I sit here in solitude,
Inhaling smoke
From a cigarette
That could very well kill me,
But I forget to care sometimes.
-
I feel vulnerable
And anxious.
I sit here,
Waiting for a change to come,
But it won’t.
It never does.
-
My ominous thoughts
Form into a series of events
As if they will occur in the future.
-
They will transpire soon,
But I pray they won’t,
Although I don’t actually pray
Because I know god doesn’t exist.
-
If there is no god,
Who hears my thoughts?
It can’t only be me
And the pencil
With which I write them.
-
I feel sorry for that pencil,
But not for myself.
I am my own fault.
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139,535 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hello evairo,
This is Shubham and it's time to review your poem.
Firstly I want to notice why are you not giving any title of this poem. You must give a suitable title that describes the nature of your poem. A beautiful title attract readers always. Thanks for the sensational poem. In this poem you really successfully achieve the goal. I want to highlights some features of this poem. :-
1. It is very closer to real world so It is familiar.
2. This poem is easy to understand by everyone.
3. It takes deep meaning.
4. And main thing is that it is well arranged as a poem.
It may be the great description of a poem.
Thanks.......
This is really good but first I would like to offer you a hug because I know how you are feeling and it is not very nice.
I really enjoyed this poem throughout. It rang very true with me, and I liked the way it progressed from this physical thing (the smoking) to the internal thoughts to all of this external stuff about God and then back inside. It conveyed something and also nothing, which kind of added to this sense of meaninglessness. Literally my only real suggestion is that you make "I am my own fault." a stand alone line in a stanza of its own just because a moment's hesitation there would be quite nice, and make the ending feel less abrupt. But that's a personal opinion.
This poem is really very good. Well done.
Yeppi...cool
I really like your poem, i like the depth and meaning and the way it speaks out to the reader. it makes you think, as you read it. With me being a smoker myself and also i tend to feel anxious, vulnerable a lot. I really understood this poem. i hope you write more.
Hi, so I liked your poem a lot. It was so deep and intriguing and for no other way to put this--not whiny. It has a lot of depth to it, and a lot of feeling. A lot of the time, in our lives we try to find a why, or who to blame. If not anyone else, its God. I think it's really important we take steps back and remember, we are in control of our lives. If not in everything that happens---at least in how we respond to it.
I think one of my favorites parts in this poem were--"It can't only be me And the pencil With which I write them" I think it almost brought the pencil to life for me---like your pencil is your only companion, and the only one who can understand. I think sometimes, we all live lonely lives and feel like no one understands. So I really enjoyed reading that.
I think this was a great poem, written with a lot of heart.