E - Everyone

The Haunted Station !

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It was dark, when we got down from the train. The place was totally strange to us. George, my dearest friend had promised me to be at the station of Transylvania was nowhere to be in sight. Well, It wasn't only George but not even a single person was present at the station in the middle of the moonless night. Anyways, I and Sarah decided to sit for a while on the bench which was almost broken. The place was no less than a haunted, deserted place where you can find nobody but ghosts.

"Didn't I tell you ? This station is haunted." Sarah spoke. She is otherwise scared of such things unlike me who is very gutsy in such matters.

Well, Rumours states that Station of Transylvania is one of the most haunted places in the whole of United States. It's ages ago when the Mayor of Transylvania, boarded a train from this very station, with his family but unfortunately, due to some technical problems, the train caught fire. Everyone survived except the mayor and his family. Since then the family is haunting everyone who ever has been to the station. It's just like the Bermuda Triangle, Whoever goes in it will never come back. Too Bad, my house just a few kilometres away.

Anyways Moving on !

We waited for about an hour and half but still nobody arrived at the station. Sarah as usual started to panic and me, I tried consoling her. Just then we saw a dead body. I tried handling Sarah by now who was already half dead. When we went next to the body and turned it upside down, the result was shocking ! It was George.

"Aaahhh, somebody help us !" , said Sarah.

"Will you please stay quiet for a moment and let me think what I can do ?", said I

Well, I knew we couldn't do anything but I had no option but to keep consoling myself now. Even the rumours seemed to be true now.

"Sarah, the only option left with us was."

"Was"

"Was RUN ! Run for your life "

Well, we kept running everywhere, every possible way which seemed to us was an exit from the dreaded and haunted place.

Just then we started running around to find out that the rumours were actually true. I saw the mayor and his wife but they were not normal human beings but had transformed into disgusting, ugly looking zombies. We actually lost hope and it was almost 3 am at night. Sarah had lost all hope and just waited for her death and I, even I lost all hope. We thought we are counting our last but just then Sarah saw something very interesting and life saving. AN EMERGENCY EXIT. An emergency exit which could be crossed only by a bridge and passing through the same spot where George was found dead.

We ran as if we were running for Olympics . Even Usain Bolt couldn't match our speed. Though we couldn't find George at that very spot where he was found dead .

The emergency exit seemed like the Albatross*. A ray of hope just like the sunlight coming through a small window into a dark room. We reached our final destination i.e. the emergency exit and I found George at a corner giggling with my cousin brother and then I notice that the zombies that haunted us were none other than my family members. I was about to faint but took control over myself ! And the mastermind behind this whole plan. Well, I shall die for this. SARAH !

Shocking right ? Well, that was how I was suppose to be welcomed after three long years away from my family ? Anyways the days that came weren't as haunted as this day

The End

* Refer " Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge"

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
DrFeelGood
Review

Hi there! Gaurav here for review. Unfortunately I have very little to criticise. :-)

This is a superlative story in every way. It sucks you in its own world right from the very first word. The setting of the story is perfect. The most important thing in a horror story is to keep the reader guessing and this is where your story scores heavily.

It is a general trend to see a horror story with a lot of disgusting descriptions but your story avoids that completely. And I am glad you did that.

The dialogues are crisp but the descriptions take the story to a different level. The climax is actually jaw-dropping and I thoroughly enjoyed that. There are some grammar hiccups but when you have an amazing story like this I don't really bother to find those errors.

Thanks a lot for posting this story here. I had a great time reading it. Keep writing! :-)

User avatar
Chuck10931
Review

Hai! I'm Chuck.

I like this story. It's quite nice.

Although. You could do with a lot of work with your punctuation.

For example:
[quote"Was RUN ! Run for your life "[/quote]

It would make more sense to correct it to:

"Was RUN! Run for your life!"


Also some parts just don't make sense like here:
"Was"


Who is saying that? Why is it there? It seems to server no purpose.

Also i've noticed that you put a space inbetween the word and the exclamation mark or the question mark. This is not needed.

Instead of:

Shocking right ? Well, that was how I was suppose to be welcomed after three long years away from my family ? Anyways the days that came weren't as haunted as this day


It should be more like:

Shocking right? Well, that was how I was suppose to be welcomed after three long years away from my family? Anyways the days that came weren't as haunted as this day.


Also that part is a little confusing. Suddenly bursting in with that.

I also think you could work on the flow of the story some parts just don't seem to work.

Anyway keep up the good work and this earns a follow and a like by far!

Thanks Chuck10931 for advice! Will really work on that.

Thanks again



Democracy! Bah! When I hear that word I reach for my feather Boa!
— Allen Ginsburg