There was a wiser woman before me,
I can see her in my eyes.
Her eyes stare back at me with an unfamiliar gaze
for no more than a split second as I scrutinize my reflection.
The wiser woman looks at me quizzically
and asks me wordlessly what I’m looking for. What do I think will change?
The wiser woman scolds me
on the mornings when I do not leave my bed.
She pokes my back when I lie on my side
and my stomach when I roll to my back.
She tugs the covers off my feet
and the pillow from under my head
and I can still hear her voice when I cover my ears.
The wiser woman mocks me,
I know her voice from mine.
I hear her scoff as I say into the phone,
I love you,
and the wiser woman whispers mockingly back to me,
I love you,
and as the wiser woman laughs at me,
I feel the slightest of smiles tug at my lips.
The wiser woman knows better than me,
she never told me this; rather, I found it on my own.
The wiser woman covers my ears
when I open them to the wrong people.
She grabs my face in her hands and turns it to hers,
looking at me with her all-too-familiar eyes
as I lock mine with the wrong ones.
The wiser woman points her finger for my gaze to follow,
showing me colors I cannot see.
Today, she showed me new shades of red,
both darker and brighter than I could ever have imagined.
I push away the wiser woman, but she grows louder each day
and I could swear her voice sounds more and more like mine.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
This is really good
, I like that it leaves things up for interpretation enough to think about it but it isn't so vague that it seems like there is no point to it 
. Is it just me or does wise woman seem like a controlling motherly figure, that's just what I got from it but that just goes to show the different ways of seeing this which I think grants to it's depth.
Personally I think a 3.5/5 or a 4/5 if you wanna put a number on it. I think breaking it up into stanza's and then putting emphasis on different things in those may have been more efficient, but honestly It's really good as is and I'd struggle writing something this well. I just wanna give you something that I think may help.
Have a good day pal, and good job!
Thank you man! The stanzas were actually lost in the formatting on here, wasn't sure why but I couldn't fix it.
I'm not used to poetry, this makes me want to read more.
This is nicely written, and I need a friend like the wiser woman. She's written like a close friend and an enemy at the same time. Freestyle poetry is a nice way to show off your imagination without writing some entire novel, and you've worked it out perfectly. This is the kind of poetry to keep on your mind when you've nothing else to do. I'd reread this as many times as I can.
This is really sweet, thank you!