To tomorrow, we walk, hands in our pockets and our heads up, stargazing. From
yesterday, we walk, stealing glances over our shoulders as if
yesterday can ever catch up, as if he ever has a chance against the
tomorrow that we march to. Our shoelaces are never untied, and we never pause to adjust the straps of the backpacks we carry with us, no matter how heavy they grow. We watch the sun set on
yesterday as it desperately grasps with a fruitless grip at the mountains, to cling to the last moments he has before
today has her turn, chalked fingers bringing her up the steep inclines of the parallel range of mountains with a firm grip and taut arms. In between suns, we trust, with our blind faith, that there will be a
tomorrow, that her grapple hook will find its footing as she tosses her rope to the top of a cliff that she cannot see, placing her fate in the hands of Mother Nature that the ledge will hold fast to the red rock and bring her up the face to another
day, where she’ll light another sky. She does it for you and me, for our
tomorrow, and her arms grow stronger with each
tomorrow.
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Hey hey! ^_^ I hope you don't mind me leaving a short review on this piece of yours!
Oh wow, this is such a gorgeous poem! The most prominent feature of this, for me, was your line breaks; the way you chose to cut off each line was quite interesting. I think it kind of reminds me of the "grapple hooks" (that you mentioned in your poem) by dragging (that has a negative connotation, but I mean it in a positive way!!!! c:) me to the next line. I also think the breaks make sense with your overall theme of tomorrow - I have to go to the next line to continue the poem, just as I have to "go to tomorrow" to continue my "life journey" :) So I thought that was a nice touch!
The poem overall has a sort of carefree vibe. I think I mainly get that from "hands in pocket," "stargazing," and the idea of not passing to adjust the backpack straps. All of these things give this an adventurous feel in a way, and I really liked that atmosphere. It made sense to me also, since the adventurous feel corresponds to the "journey of life" vibe I'm getting, if that even makes sense xD
I love how simple but effective this line is. "hands in our pockets" is a tiny detail, but I feel that it really does add a lot to the poem
AHH so cool on how you personify yesterday!!! :) it's almost like in this part, the speaker is taunting yesterday - that adds on to the adventurous and carefree atmosphere I am getting
My favourite lines I think <33 "shoelaces are never untied" -> it's like the speaker is never unprepared and is ready to face tomorrow, no matter what is thrown at them
"no matter how heavy they grow" -> same sort of idea, like life is going to get harder and heavier and more burdensome, but that won't stop the speaker from continuing on and living their life. I love how you used a backpack as a metaphor for some bigger picture -> perhaps it could be a metaphor for someone's heart? no matter how heavy it gets / no matter how much pain they endure, they will still keep going
I'm assuming it refers to yesterday, since that is the lates noun you mentioned. I thought yesterday was being referred to as "he"? Or maybe you are talking about the sun, but later in the line, you refer to the sun as "he" -> either way, I'm not really sure what "it" is referring to, and I think it would be more consistent to use a pronoun like you had been doing before c: OR I just completely misunderstood, and in that case, please ignore me haha
just wanted to say that this ahh <33 I love the idea of blindly trusting, taking a shot in the dark and hoping you'll make it. the more I read this, the more I feel a sense of bitterness rising from this piece
And that's all I got for you! ^_^ I hope these comments prove useful for you. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this gorgeous piece, it's quite lovely :D I hope to read more from you soon, and I hope this helped!
I love this so much! You know when you watch that really spirit lifting and downright amazing Christmas movie and your heart expands two sizes too big. Well that just happened! I love how your poetry enlightens and embellishes hope and it really makes the reader think. Almost as if you had stuck them right into the words. Great job!!!
I love this so much! You know when you watch that really spirit lifting and downright amazing Christmas movie and your heart expands two sizes too big. Well that just happened! I love how your poetry enlightens and embellishes hope and it really makes the reader think. Almost as if you had stuck them right into the words. Great job!!!
Hi, I love the breathless way in which you characterize time. I think your unconventional line breaks really serve this well. I like your use of imagery as well. It is subtle, but it creates the perfect atmosphere for the ideas you explore. I particularly like that opening line: "To tomorrow, we walk, hands in our pockets and our heads up, stargazing. From" I couldn't tell you exactly why "hands in our pockets" relates to "To tomorrow, we walk" But, viscerally, it does. And it's absolutely lovely!
I feel like there are a couple of places where you could be more economic with your word choice, but that's really my only criticism! Wonderful job! - YellowSweater