INSIDE
inside my mind-
seems like everything I do turns out a mistake
seems everyone I care about turns out a fake
seems like life isn't what they say it is
all those happy faces
all those smiles
all those cheery voices
where is mine?
seems like everyone else has a formula
seems like I am the only one left out
seems like happiness is a myth
but all those happy faces
all those smiles
the cheery voices
what do they mean?
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140,304 Literary Works • 673,080 Reviews
thank you guys for your reviews and Chirantha I have tried to put the changes you suggested...
Hi, Esteria.
Welcome to YWS.
Well, I think I should first say that you should do reviews before posting any other works. As you had already done two, you need to do two reviews. Keep a 2:1 ratio and it will be okay.
Okay, about this poem. CAPITALIZATION and punctuations. They are essential in poems. You have to capitalize the first letter at the start of a line. You need to add a comma or a period at the end.
inside my mind (Put 'dash' here - as it everything begins from this)
seems like every thing i do turns out a mistake ('Everything is a one word and capitalize the 'I')
seems everyone i care about turns out a fake (Capitalize 'I')
seems like life isn't what they say it is
all these happy faces
all these smiles
all these cheery voices (In all three sentences, change the word 'these' to 'those')
where is mine?
seems like everyone else has the formula (Should be 'a formula')
seems like am the only one left out (It should be 'I am the only one')
seems like happiness is a myth
but all these happy faces
all these smiles (Again, change 'these' to 'those')
the cheery voices
what do they mean?
I think it would have been better to lenghten the poem a little more, it would have been better to answer your questions using two more stanzas. But it was good.
Good luck.
Esteria,
I hope you'll love it here.
Hello! Welcome to YWS
Anyway, I'm absolutely horrid at critiquing poetry, and know absolutely nothing about it, so I'll pass this review, okay? The point of this message is to tell you that you have a 0 in your own reviews, and that's not good.
To post anything at all, you have to review at least to other pieces. For the next piece you want reviewed, the same. So, you do that - people will more likely critique if you obey the rules
Cheers,
Esme