Young Writers Society

esteria wrote:I kissed my frog today,
To my dismay
He turned into a prince.
I miss his croaking,
I miss his wet slimy body,
I miss his constant hopping.
All I wanted was to kiss my frog;
I kissed him and now he is gone,
In his place a prince.
I hate his talking,
I hate his perfect trim body,
I hate his ever clean hands.


I kissed my prince today,
To my dismay
He turned into a frog.
I miss his fingers in my hair,
I miss his arms on my waist,
I miss his horse drawn carriage
All I wanted was to kiss my prince;
I kissed him and now he is gone,
In his place a frog.
I hate his sticky feet,
I hate his slimy lips,
I hate his arrogance.

Today I realized
To my dismay,
whomever I get:
My frog or prince,
This treacherous heart
will only long for the other.
I miss this, I hate this
Why not just love this?
My undecided heart
won’t let me be.

Hey Esteria ^^ Shina here I'll be your reviewer today.

The idea of this poem was not what I expected. As everyone else said, this was unexpected. It narrates and elaborates the concept of an undecided heart in a way that's funny. It was hilarious reading this yet serious at the same time. If this rhymed it would've been twice as good as it is now. The irony here is also good. Liking the frog and hating the prince and then liking the prince and hating the frog. I had to reread the second part to realize that it was like a reflection of the beginning, or a mirror opposite parallel universe of the top half of the poem, so you might want to fix that in the title or something.

Keep writing Esteria ^^ This was good, great even. The overall impression is pretty good. If you have any questions feel free to PM or IM me

~Shina

Light, original verse; how refreshing.

I especially like the first two stanzas, though there are some suggestions I'd like to make, naturally.

I miss his croaking,
I miss his wet slimy body,
I miss his constant hopping.

I miss his horse drawn carriage

I hate his talking,
I hate his perfect trim body,
I hate his ever clean hands.

I finally realized today
To my dismay,
whomever I get:
My frog or prince,
This treacherous heart
will only long for the other.
I miss this, I hate this
Why not just love this? <--- these two lines (this and the one above) are alright, though I might use more figurative language. That's really the issue with this stanza; the language is too plain. It states the facts for us, instead of letting us figure them out for ourselves. I'd find some kind of imagery, some metaphore to use, to make the meaning more hidden behind the words.
My undecided heart
won’t let me be.

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I loved how it started off in the opposite way of what we have gotten used to. I would have liked the poem if it was just the first stanza, actually. But then I also liked the second stanza. I'm not quite sure of how you would do it, but I would suggest trying to switch up the third stanza. You don't have to directly tell us that girl realizes she will always want what she doesn't have. Try to explain it through her emotions a little more, and don;t be afraid to lengthen the poem if you have to. Nice job!

I really loved this. It isn't your typical love poem. It could also not be a love poem. This poem goes deeper than ordinary fairy tale romance and for that this is absolutely brilliant.

First, as a love poem. It is a new concept. Not being content with what is before you. It's sad and the way you presented it here was rather satirical, honestly. It was funny but sad in a way.

As not a love poem. Discontent. That's the theme in this poem. It's deep because it doesn't revolve solely around love but ar ound what humans are, really. It describes how discontented we are with everything.

all in all, lovely.