A tingle in my spine
A warmth that lingers long after he has died
His dark curls and beautiful eyes
That sweetest smile that never lies
Such a beautiful human he was,
His love for the world so pure and true
He was an angel sent to us with one message to share
That love for the children of the world ought to be there
In this world full of despair,
I bear his words in my heart and learnt to care
A beautiful human had come to my life
And he who had never appeared before my eyes,
had reached into my heart and taught me why
Why we should love and to tell you why
Because there are always people out there who need that love.
Because we are able to give that very love.
Because we are the children of the world, the ones who make the world a better place to live in.
You and I.
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Welcome to YWS! The first thing I think when I start writing this poem, it must be for Michael Jackson right? Anyway it's a good poem and I liked it. It's a nice one and I hope that you will write more.
And remember this,
Thought, imagination and feelings.
It will help you to write even better.
Keep writing,
Alicia.
Okies, thanks for the reviews! I've read them through and will do better in time to come.. =)
There are a few things I want to nitpick at...
First of all, the third stanza is the only one that doesn't rhyme. You could have it rhyme or avoid rhyming in some other ones so that there is a little more consistency. I think the first stanza could even be
"A tingle in my spine
A warmth that lingers"
and then the death part could be implied. Also, "Why we should love and to tell you why" seems a little jumbled...maybe "I'll" instead of "to." Also the last stanza could be broken up a little or re-worded to the same message so it doesn't seem as lengthy.
"You and I" was a good choice of ending words. I love these lines:
"A beautiful human had come to my life
And he who had never appeared before my eyes,"
Overall it's beautiful, but a couple tweaks would make it even better
First off, welcome to YWS! This is actually good for a first post. But the rhyme sounds forced..... I think it sounds forced around the first two stanzas. Overall though it is very nice. I hope I helped you. If you have a question then just ask me.
~Ladypurple.