Published June 26, 2012
clenched fist
sacrifices
from lifeless
mannequins
breaths that hold
until broken
sanctuary doors
close
white ceiling
destinations
hardwood floors
that bite the cheek
faltering words
that drop like dew
on an insatiable
web
the burn
of thawing flesh
and delicate
incisions
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141,440 Literary Works • 674,431 Reviews
First off, I really like this piece. Second of all, I love how you don't actually capitalize your words. It adds character to your piece. I love your title, your last line and your stanzas in general. I am sorry if this review is a bit biased, and doesn't help you, but I love it a lot. I also- on a random and utterly off topic note- love your avatar. It adds an image about what your writing is about.
My favourite part was the last stanzas. That idea of burning flesh, and the contrast of burning flesh with something delicate. In fact, the "delicate incisions" part is a lovely piece of juxtaposition you have going on there.
I also adore how you put incisions separate from the rest of the stanza. That was incredibly creative. Your piece has a lot going for it. And I am now a fan.
Please let me know when you have more work posted.
Thanks for your awesomely biased opinion, haha. I've never had my poetry reviewed before, so I was awkwardly waiting for someone to comment. Your positive comments are really encouraging.
Since you mentioned it (mistakenly) in your review, you reminded me that when I initially wrote this, I struggled between the words "elegant incisions" and "delicate incisions." I might go back and change it to the latter.
Thanks