Published October 18, 2008
A cough fishing up the last tar in my lungs
I remember a friend who asked me once
The lion is a marxist, so send him to jail?
The Lion is a marxist, so send him to jail?
The Lion is a Marxist, so send him to Jail?
:
And as I made my slow progress under the sun
I became estatic with the notion
That we no longer needed a son
We no longer needed a Son
We no longer needed the Son
:
And to that place, where the sharp law could not bear
we waved goodbye and dove for the pavement
With Anarchies and soft Amerika at our sides
soft Amerika at our sides
soft Amerika at our sides
:
And the dark winds of a conscripted thunder
caught us and dragged us to the river
where we bore Witness to angels in the Electric Chair
the Electric Chair
The Electric Chair
:
O but the lord did smile and we laughed
like sun mad children
A wink left us at the other side of mourning
left us at the other side of mourning
the other side of Morning
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141,471 Literary Works • 674,496 Reviews
thanks for the reviews everyone
caught ys and dragged us to the river
What is ys? don't know what you are saying
we waved boodbye and dove for the pavement
goodbye
These are two typos I found. I'm guessing you spelled America like Amerika for a reason. By the way America isn't soft at all ha ha.
You should also capitalize all the sentences that start on the left.
The meaning of the poem itself was lost on me but I'm not really a poetry kind of person. I like your picture by the way.
Hey there.
), while the significance of the political issues of the same are able to come forth.
Reading your poem was a tad difficult honestly. But i believe (earnestly) that i made some headway regarding this matter after a few reads and some pondering.
Your poem structurally seems to highlight the individuality and inter relatedness of each of the segments. This is a new structuring which i admit i never have seen before, its a little rebellious too if i may say so.
But you know what, i like it.
Your poem also seems to have a humorous rhythm to it ( that's the only way i could describe it
Well, i just highlited the main issues you wrote on.
i don't intend to speak anything about your political beliefs, but it seemed to me that you were a litlle sympathetic toward the Marxist. And while issuing 'Amerika' as an ally in fight against a totalitarian, you show some degree of contempt for them.
also you are advocating the insanity of capital punishments;
but YOU are in search for a better hope than the hope in god's miracles.
Please do correct me if i am wrong. But that is what i could make out from your poem.
yours sincerely
the_vizier
|||||
:'_':
P.S. : I was reminded of 'The Ghost song' by the doors.
"...and we laughed
like sun mad children
A wink left us at the other side of mourning..." this part was so much like the doors.
Hey there.
), while the significance of the political issues of the same are able to come forth.
Reading your poem was a tad difficult honestly. But i believe (earnestly) that i made some headway regarding this matter after a few reads and some pondering.
Your poem structurally seems to highlight the individuality and inter relatedness of each of the segments. This is a new structuring which i admit i never have seen before, its a little rebellious too if i may say so.
But you know what, i like it.
Your poem also seems to have a humorous rhythm to it ( that's the only way i could describe it
Well, i just highlited the main issues you wrote on.
i don't intend to speak anything about your political beliefs, but it seemed to me that you were a litlle sympathetic toward the Marxist. And while issuing 'Amerika' as an ally in fight against a totalitarian, you show some degree of contempt for them.
also you are advocating the insanity of capital punishments;
but YOU are in search for a better hope than the hope in god's miracles.
Please do correct me if i am wrong. But that is what i could make out from your poem.
yours sincerely
the_vizier
|||||
:'_':
P.S. : I was reminded of 'The Ghost song' by the doors.
"...and we laughed
like sun mad children
A wink left us at the other side of mourning..." this part was so much like the doors.
I tried to make something of it but couldn't make head or tails of what you were talking about. It might have a meaning but couldn't get it. It seems that each stanza is on its own maybe its the way you meant it to be, or they all are one thing am confused. Don't mean to be offensive but your poem is impossible to understand in my opinion