Young Writers Society

Thank you kindly for the reviews. It may help to realize that καλοκαίρι is Greek for summer.

Young trees and powder.
Amateur cigarette butts on the porch
Gonzo postcards from Madrid.
A summer in Europe, an Englishman
Living in Spain.
And we WERE just sitting, when the rain threw us outside our internal dialogues
And we actually had to see each other.

Last of the 27s distract
Yellowing teeth and knotted hair
Whisky and hem danger
Bus boys in south east suburbs
Picked up by the last drunken taxi cab
For word games and drunk rooftop solipsism

Seraphim in Timberlands
The ingenious prose of our plans
Existentialism and token mistakes
Talk of Jerusalem rising
Take (I THINK "TAKE" SHOULD BE "TALK") of the Temple being rebuilt!
And we never knew the tornado was due
Until we caught the rain in our hand.

I like it. The imagery is solid enough. In concerns to being ambiguous, I have a picture of what is going on, specifically because of the fact that your imagery is outstanding. However, in concerns to what you were actually doing, everything is vague. It's sort of ironic that the setting, the scene, even the mood is conveyed perfectly in the poem but as to what was going on in the exchange between the two people, it's more or less subject to interpretation--not very concrete. But actually, i think I am being too harsh. the first stanza was superb. The second stanza is good, but that last line, i don't really know how solipsism pertains to the setting you were suggesting. I mean, it was so out of place that I misread it. If you are going to throw that kind of philosophical thought out there I think there should be something there that justifies it. I guess in a way it could work with the trend of being immersed in thought and the fantastical mood, but it just isn't as sound as the first stanza. (I broke them up into stanzas, err, I hope you don't mind and I hope it didn't mess up the intentions of the poem). Now this last stanza is really something. Even someone who didn't understand the poem appreciated it. Contrary to the last guy I like the phrase "seraphim in timberlands." The contrast is so cool (for lack of a better word). As I said before, if there was one thing you did right in this poem it is the imagery. Nevertheless, i think you could make it clearer and also work with the flow (specifically at "plans...rebuit!" that whole segment didn't mesh). I don't really know what I could do to help you do that and that's probably being a bad critic on my part, but hey, it's thanksgiving here in the states so.....Happy Thanksgiving!

That was very confusing. Beautifull, but confusing.

thank you

at first I did not really know what it was about. Im still not really sure what its about. But thats okay.
I really liked the lines

And we never knew the tornado was due

Until we caught the rain in our hand.

at first I did not really know what it was about. Im still not really sure what its about. But thats okay.
I really liked the lines

And we never knew the tornado was due

Until we caught the rain in our hand.