z

Young Writers Society



Kamikaze

by erratik_statik


A kamikaze of pointlessness.

Leaden words pervade the air and perforate the silence,
an earthquake in a bubble,
flirtatious locusts.
A silent black on which to paint the most accurate of portraits,
not caricatured by convention,
but alive.

And the nurses in their uniforms, creased,
like origami birds:
pretty, white and stiff,
flit by with dry eyes and empty minds.
Sharp talons
pumping morphine into paper cuts,
and prescribing morality
for the flesh-wounds
and the cancer.

Pills of nitro-glycerine.

Harvested in a state of ingrained myopia
by the birds,
eyes transfixed onto the dirt
under their toenails.

A shadow of ignorance.

Cast by Armani penguins and their monuments:
unsightly pillars of second-hand sweat.
They preach equality from their nostrils;
righteousness.
As another ugly duckling is beheaded.

Spoken bullets swarm my vision.
Their sights are kaleidoscopes, their aim erratic.
I am blind and catatonic;
withdrawn into my misanthropic mind where I am safe.
I am never safe.

I shield myself with laughter to disguise from the nurses
the hiss of oxygen evacuating slowly
from my lungs, shredded cellophane.
deflating in defeat.

I am afraid of no horizons,
just of what festers underneath.

Where every single breath is a battlefield.


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Random avatar

Points: 1290
Reviews: 7

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Thu Apr 23, 2009 8:28 pm
x.BorderlineCrazy.x wrote a review...



That is a very good poem.

It made me think and I love it when anything I read makes me think.

I especially, like Jiggity, like the origami birds comparison.

Your imagery is spot on and you've got a real talent.

I only wish I could use imagery as well :)

Kudos to you!

Keep writing! (Y)




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798 Reviews


Points: 6517
Reviews: 798

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Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:38 am
Jiggity wrote a review...



I don't actually have much to say on this, I'm just commenting so this can be brought to the attention of the appropriately knowledgeable people. I work in fiction, not poetry, but I do enjoy reading it and I thought this was great. It flowed well, it was intelligently written - perhaps overwritten? - and the imagery was fantastic. The description of the nurses as origami birds was very, very well done - my favourite of the piece.

I did wonder at 'righteousness' - it sort of jarred for me, but I wonder if that was the purpose of that line. In the stanza following, you speak of bullets swarming your vision but in the latter lines you are blind and catatonic? I think I might just be a little dense and its a little too early in the morning, but I thought it worth mentioning nonetheless. I have the feeling it was a deliberate contradiction/contrast as you then say 'I am safe. I am never safe.' which I loved as well.

Anywhoodledoodle,
nice stuff mate.

~J~





Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author