falling into pieces
trying to write a thesis
can't find a reason
to stay next season
falling into pieces
my words turn to wheezes
as the hole in me increases
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141,687 Literary Works • 675,575 Reviews
Really simple, and sometimes that tells the story best.
Although the topic is a little bit heavy, the shortness, simple rhyme scheme and the wording of the work give a sort of nonchalant attitude to the obvious problem, like "this is happening, and that's that". While it could come across as hopelessness, I think it can also reflect the kind of comfort that staying in these same unhealthy patterns can bring.
hey there, I thought I'd leave a quick review. I really like this poem. I think the length of the poem itself works well with the subject matter. The narrator is struggling, feeling hopeless/lost, and lacking motivation. I can personally relate to this poem, it reminds me of how I currently feel in my college courses as I pursue a degree I'm almost finished with, but have not realized that I have no interest in. In that way, I personally interpret "can't find a reason / to stay next season" as quite literally not being able to find a reason to stay for another semester. Because of the simplicity of the poem, I think that a lot of people can find their own way to relate to it. I really appreciate this work.
short, sweet, simple. all are great qualities to have.
your poem is very straightforward yet it gets the point across effectively. i like the way you repeat the one line throughout the poem. it hammers home the idea of falling apart & feeling lost, which is relatable to a lot of people. keep an eye on that though. repetition can get tiresome if its overused.
the rhyme scheme in your poem, aabb, contributes to its cohesion & rhythm. the rhyming between the second & fourth lines adds a musical quality to the poem, which helps create a sense of harmony within the chaos. im not often a rhyme enjoyer, but i see the vision. think about how this scheme affects the overall message though. rhyme is very subjective. it can be overwhelming.
the conclusion is very poignant & encapsulates the theme of the poem. it perfectly captures the frustration of writers block or just not being able to express yourself. thats very powerful to me & many others as well.
envy