Published January 2, 2015
So think of something bad you did. Did you think no one knew? No one discovered what was behind your lie? Did you think no one saw what you did? Let me tell you something. No matter where you commit your sin, or when you do it, there's always one witness. God knows, and there's nothing you can hide from Him.
"I didn't do it." Have you said this sentence once? More than once? Maybe it was that time you broke your mom's favorite glass vase. Maybe it was that time you made your little sister cry. Whatever it was, did you realize someone knew you had lied? Someone always does. And that someone is God. He hears those lies in heaven. And you know what? He tries to help. But sometimes, we don't take that advice. We rarely do.
What about nature? You've heard those liars. Do you know how many people worry about polluting the air, polluting the sea, but they still drive cars and they still throw plastic bottles away? All those species that are endangered---don't you think we could've worked harder to save them instead of fishing or dumping oil into the water? People still eat starfish. People still eat fish. People still kill elephants for their ivory. The cliche phrase save the ________ (insert endangered species) might annoy you, but you have to realize it's helping you, too.
How about the big stuff? You've heard about the wars. The war of 1812. The Vietnam War. How about the two worst ones, World War I and World War II? Have you realized how far we've come since Adam and Eve? Think. Before all those people came, the land was peaceful. No one fought. There was no land-claiming or kings to break away from. But now, we look back on history and see those battles that bloodied the land. We say it has shaped our race, but it has molded us into brutal, blood-crazed creatures, ready to kill.
Back to God. He's sitting up there, looking down at all these wars and pollution, and we're down here fighting and driving polluting cars and lying every day. He knew we would become this. He knew we would turn our race into this. Can't we do something in order to become better in his eyes?God knew, but he still loves us. And we should do something back. But, we don't. We fight, and He just sits, sees, hears, knows, and cries. And His tears fall on the blood-stained earth.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
Blank. (I tried to make what I wanted to say coherent, but it didn't work out. So here it is.)
Hi wisegirl22,
I was confused about the message of this piece. Do you want humans to stop using cars? Stop recycling plastic bottles? Stop everything that pollutes the earth all together? I'm very confused.
Also, you switch on the last paragraph to us instead of you. At the beginning, to me, it sounded like you were accusing me of something. At the end, it sounded like you were despairing, or trying to initiate change. I don't know which one you were aiming for, but I encourage you to pick one.
Last thing: I suggest taking out the "so" at the beginning of the paragraph. It works just as well as, "Think of something bad you did" and it really isn't necessary nor does it sound professional.
Otherwise, this is pretty well-crafted. The only thing I'm really confused about is the entire message of the content. By the end, especially with the last line, it really just sounds like you are pointing your finger and despairing.
Overall rating: 7/10
Hope this helped, and keep writing!
+1
Hey wisegirl. Congrats on the feature.
I love how you are urging people to change our violent ways and denial of it. That's awesome. We need some spurring on every once and a while. But here's the thing.
God is not helpless. He's not.
You said God had "no idea what we would become". Wrong. He knew. He knows everything. He knows everything. Period. The reason we have become what we have become is because at that moment when God decided to make pretty little people, Adam and Eve, he had a choice. God had a choice. Give us free will, or make us little robots who worshiped him for eternity. And because God is good and just and knows what it right, and loves us, he gave us free will. He created us in his image.
He also created Satan. He made Satan as an angel, Satan saw the beauty of God's world. He saw the beauty that God could create, and what did he do? He chose to fall. He chose to try and be his own god.
This is us. We have free will, but we chose wrong. Because even if we were created in God's image, we are not God. We do not know what is right. We do not know what the future holds.
God does.
That's why we need him. That's why he is the most loving being to ever exist because even after all the horrible stuff we've done, all the beauty he's shown us and then we spit on it and turned our backs and ruined his lovely Earth, he still loves us. He still loves me. He still loves you.
God is not helpless. If anyone is helpless, it's us. We are the saddest creatures in the universe, because even when we see God's beauty around us, we still deny he is there. We still spit in his face, we still chose to fall, just like a certain fallen angel I know.
God cries for us, but not in desperation and helplessness.
He cries out of love, like a father watching a child toddle into the street. He wants to pull us back but he chooses not to, because he's already given us a lifeline to grab onto, if we only look for it.
That lifeline is Jesus.
We are the helpless ones. God is our rock. He knows all that has happened, and will be. He gives us free will, to depend on him...
Or destroy ourselves without him.
Thanks for writing this. Hope this helped.
~Night
This helped a lot!
Awesome. I'm glad. I love how you like to share your faith in your works too!
Oh, and thanks so much for commenting on the content.
No problem!
Congrats on getting in the spotlight like you wanted!
Thank you so much for liking it!
Ya congrats!
Hey! introworded here, as promised!
Okay. So, first review of 2015 is this gem right here, and I am so glad that it was a piece like this one!
What I really enjoyed about this is that it made me think. It's thought-provoking and I believe that's the main thing it has going for it.
The message is wonderful. And depressing. And true. That combination makes for a wonderful piece you have put together here, and it is written and carried out beautifully!
One of the biggest things I noticed was the religion references you put into this. Nothing against it, not at all, and I respect you for it. Sometimes religion can be an iffy subject to read or to write. I think the way you handled it was well, and that even someone who isn't particularly religious can still get the message you are trying to deliver.
After this you move into real world problems like endangered forests and wildlife, pollution, war, basically anything that is caused by the negligence of man. This was an extremely smart move on your part because it forces the reader to look at the problems that are actually happening, no matter what they believe in. Good job on that!
To close everything off, you go back to mentioning religion, which is written wonderfully.
Also, as far as I saw, there were no grammar mistakes.
Overall, the message is clear and plain and written extremely well. You've got real talent here!
Awesome job on this! This is quite possibly the longest review I have ever written. Great way to start off 2015!
Good luck, keep writing!
Congrats on the feature!
Thank you so much!!!