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​Chapter Two: Wrath of the Riders

by erennaci

Chapter Two: Wrath of the Riders

Arkhan breathed the chaos and destruction in the air.

The war even affected this sacred place, Kazu'kar.

Kazu'kar was the founding place of the Spellswords,

filled with arcane power and nature.

In the legends, it is said that a warrior named Qurbek came here looking for power to defeat his enemies,

once he had mastered the Arcana Magic he set out to kill those who deserved.

With both the power of magic and sword he became an

unstoppable force.

He then came back to Kazu'kar and trained Speelswords like Arkan himself.

"Temmil prepare the rest of the men! Katu and Radu, you scout the road back to Pelsyver."

"Sure captain!" shouted both of the brothers and rode their black stallions.

"Warden, how many are there?".

The druid leaned down and touched the ground, letting his spirit flow through all life.

The old man fainted and fell but Temmil caught him in time.

"Way way too many Arkan,3 Riders, and 37 troops, that's all I could sense."

"Get him a priest and let us ride!" yelled Arkan.

"The-, they are destroying everything Arkan, nature is aching with tremendous pain."

Arkhan mounted Ström (Stroem), his dusky blue warhorse

granted with the speed of lightning and began riding east beside his men.

The group was hidden well under the shadows of Irkil Trees.

Irkil trees were nothing but seeds when the Great Titans ruled

this realm, they protect the world from the Light of Az'ur.

Memories of her flew within his mind as he rode through the corpses.

They all seemed the same to him, no matter who's side they were on. All lifeless and without a purpose in their eyes.

Arkhan imagined the first time he set eyes on her:

The storm had gathered and red bolts of lightning cracked the sky. He and his men found shelter in an inn near the Lake of the Great Humkiin.

Arkhan greeted the innkeeper and asker for a table further in the back.

They started laughing, singing and cursing with the help of the mead.

After some time Arkhan raised his head to see if there was

any trouble, as he focused on the people, a woman with pale white

skin and brownish hair caught his eyes.

"Hey, Arkhan!Arkhan!" shouted Temmil with worry in his voice.

Arkhan awoke from his dream and said: "What's wrong Temmil?"

Temmil pointed at the two brothers Katu and Radu with his finger.

"The roa-, the road to Pelsyver, it's blocked," said Katu while trying to remove the arrows pierced to his shield.

"What do you mean it's blocked? Who blocked it?"

Radu's eyes opened abruptly with blue light beams coming

out of them, there he conjured a reflection of the roadblock ahead.

Arkhan seemed disoriented, how did their enemy come so far to block the road? Usually, the rangers of Pelsyver wouldn't have let them.

"There are too many of them, we can't take them all while Warden is weak. We should make camp somewhere safe," shouted Arkhan.

Temmil stroked his chin for a moment and said: "The city of Moltar is close, at least what's left of it."

"Fine, Moltar it is then."       

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108 Reviews

Points: 13147
Reviews: 108

Wed Sep 18, 2019 11:47 am
Asith wrote a review...

Hello, I'm here to review! I've read the first chapter too, even though I didn't leave a review on that (people had already said what I would've said).

As for this chapter, I must say that you're creating an interesting world! You seem to have a knack for creating high fantasy worlds -- this realm already has the development befitting a great story. That being said, this a review, so let's look at my brief list of criticism:

It's a pretty common gripe I kept noticing in your story, and it happens often enough to mention. I think it's important for you to establish a dialect for your world. The patterns of speech; there needs to be a consistency. This type of thing can really help immersion and world-building if done right, but is terrible to read if done wrong. Your problem is that you jump from high-fantasy-esque speech to modern colloquialism in ways that make things seem very out of place. Phrases like "Sure captain!" and "Way way too many" don't really feel like speech in this era of fantasy, do they? Think about how much more fitting "yes captain" and "far, far too many" feel. They match the way that the majority of speech feels. The modern phrases really strike the reader as being off. Thankfully, they're easy fixes.

2) Descriptions/Pacing
Another thing I've noticed is that you tend to brush past scenes that could be very lovely if described a bit more. I get that you want to jump into action, but the story feels a little fast as it is, so a little more description really couldn't hurt. Think about when the image of the road block is being "conjured" from the man's eyes -- you already know what this looks like, but the reader needs some help imagining it! That's why describing special parts like this would really aid in the reader's understanding of the story.

That's really all I have to say :)
This looks like it'll end up being a really cool fantasy epic!

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264 Reviews

Points: 2924
Reviews: 264

Mon Sep 16, 2019 8:48 pm
Horisun wrote a review...

As I promised, I'm here to do a review on the next chapter!
I am very interested to see where this story goes. I'm very excited to continue reading, as I love stories like this, (From what I can see so far) I'm really looking forward to reading the next chapter.
One thing I was slightly confused about was why you were making so many new paragraphs. You only need to create new ones when, A. Your starting a new thought, B. A new person is speaking, or some other reason. Separating the story as you did made it feel a little clunky, and hard to read. It's an easy enough fix though, so don't worry to much about it, just remember to start a new paragraph at the right time.
Other than that, one small nitpick is that in writings like this, it's better to spell out the numbers.
Other than that, looking good! Let me know when the next chapter comes out, and keep on writing! :D

You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you.
— Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time