Hello, I'm here to review! I've read the first chapter too, even though I didn't leave a review on that (people had already said what I would've said).
As for this chapter, I must say that you're creating an interesting world! You seem to have a knack for creating high fantasy worlds -- this realm already has the development befitting a great story. That being said, this a review, so let's look at my brief list of criticism:
1)Dialogue
It's a pretty common gripe I kept noticing in your story, and it happens often enough to mention. I think it's important for you to establish a dialect for your world. The patterns of speech; there needs to be a consistency. This type of thing can really help immersion and world-building if done right, but is terrible to read if done wrong. Your problem is that you jump from high-fantasy-esque speech to modern colloquialism in ways that make things seem very out of place. Phrases like "Sure captain!" and "Way way too many" don't really feel like speech in this era of fantasy, do they? Think about how much more fitting "yes captain" and "far, far too many" feel. They match the way that the majority of speech feels. The modern phrases really strike the reader as being off. Thankfully, they're easy fixes.
2) Descriptions/Pacing
Another thing I've noticed is that you tend to brush past scenes that could be very lovely if described a bit more. I get that you want to jump into action, but the story feels a little fast as it is, so a little more description really couldn't hurt. Think about when the image of the road block is being "conjured" from the man's eyes -- you already know what this looks like, but the reader needs some help imagining it! That's why describing special parts like this would really aid in the reader's understanding of the story.
That's really all I have to say
This looks like it'll end up being a really cool fantasy epic!
Points: 13147
Reviews: 108
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