It seems that from first view that I am an average, raged, teenager. With my black clothing style and dark make up, people would think I was going through a phase. People always wonder where I go to school or what I do with my life. Well the thing is I go to a school for “special” kids that have “special” needs. Well it’s not what you’re thinking. Randall high is a school for people like me; Randall high is a school for the children of legendary monsters. I could be the werewolves’ daughter with the furry hair all the time, I could be the swamp monsters daughter who smells like mildew, but no, I’m Dracula’s daughter. And no I’m not a killer of the night, I’m actually a vegetarian. Yes, it has come to my fathers’ attention that I am a disgrace to the family since I get nausea when I look at meat. My father even thinks that I was some other kid and not related to him; though the other legends about vampires are completely wrong. When I go out into the sunlight I don’t burn into a million ashes, I just simply burn. I don’t turn into a bat; I just simply float and fly around. I’m not horrified of garlic, I actually like garlic, last but not least that crosses kill us, and we are Christians. Anyways I do have the fangs but they only come out when I need them to. Yes I do drink blood, but not the blood of humans. That would get me executed for endangerment of the human race and I do not need that if I am to stay in a human filled environment. Technically this is how Randal high works. I go to school I hang with all the other vampires, not blood related to me though. And here at school all the monster children are in different groups, except gym. My regular classes are vampireology, blood sucking 101 (I always fail that class) and my favorite class, vampire literature. Ah the simple life of writing literature is my goal in life. I love to write a lot of short stories and poetry. My pencil is my forever tool to write out my feelings and my life. One think I hate to do is please my boyfriend, Blake. My boyfriend Blake is a sweet guy, except that he wants to go to the next level and suck my blood, so we can have an imprint (yes unfortunately that legend is true) and then have the sexual imprint (ewe).i really don’t want that because for one thing I’m not ready and second he’s not the one I want to be imprinted to for the rest of my life. Anyway as I get to school, I walk down the hall and see him coming up to hug me.
“Elizabeth!!!” Blake screams. As Blake hugs me nearly to death he finally lets go and begins to get near my neck. I slap him silly and then spoke. He’s always trying to do that. I don’t really know why.
“Not to day Blake, I’m not in the mood” I say with attitude. I wasn’t in the brightest mood today because my father didn’t like that I was wearing red eye shadow. Honestly why would he get upset? I wear dark colors all the time and I’m not allowed to wear one regular, just as dark, color? Yeah it sucks. Literally.
“What’s wrong babe?” he asks with his puppy dog eyes that I can’t resist.
“It’s nothing just an argument with my father this morning”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I turn to look at him.
“No” I said.
He looks down and starts to cry. He looks up at me with a little anger and pushed me into the lockers.
“WHY WON’T YOU TALK TO ME?! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU BEING SO COLD TO ME!! I FEEL LIKE YOU CAN’T TALK TO ME!”
“WELL BLAKE,” I started screaming, “I CANT ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU TO TALK TO BECAUSE HALF THE TIME YOU ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO SUCK MY BLOOD AND I HATE IT! I TELL YOU REPEATEDLY THAT I DON’T WANT IT TO HAPPEN! UNDERSTAND?!” he looks at me puzzled, for I have never yelled at him.
“If you didn’t want me to suck your blood, why didn’t you say so?”
“I did! Blake I think we need a break…” I said those cold words as I let them slip off my tongue.
“If u want a break, why don’t we date other people for a while, hmm?”
“I guess we should.” I walked away from him slowly as I approached my best friend gabby.
“Hey Elizabeth, what’s going on between you and Blake? Did you guys get into ANOTHER fight?” gabby always knew when I was lying. So I told her that Blake and I were going to date other people for a while.
“Eh, boys, you can’t live with them, and you can’t let them imprint you”
“True, hey you said last night you had news but I fell asleep…” yes, I a vampire fall asleep at 8pm.
“Oh yeah! I forgot to tell yeah, that a human was enrolling today”
Gabby looked at her like she was kidding.
“You’re joking right”
Gabby looked at her straight in the face and said “I’m not lying Elizabeth; a human is entering Randall high this afternoon” I stood there star struck and confused. Why is this happening?
Gabby and I hated humans. Ever since the day we were born we were best friends. But when we were 5, a human riot broke out, accusing us of killing a human citizen. Both our mothers died trying to save us. gabby and I ran to our fathers and escaped the village. Gabby and I will never forget how the humans destroyed our faith and killed our mothers. To this very day we give death looks at every human we see. When I heard gabby say there was a human enrolling here, I went to the principal furious, and filling with questions.
“Ms. Randall, why is a human enrolling here at Randall?”
Ms. Randall was the founder of the school and was in charge.
“Ms. Dracula, Mr. Fields is half vampire, so it is only necessary that he go here to learn to control his urges, you know what happens to humans if they don’t control their monster urges”
She knew what she was talking about, she was talking about molly, who was half werewolf and enrolled here, she couldn’t control her werewolf side and her urges told her to destroy the school. When that happened Ms. Randall said that for the safety of the human world that she would let halfies into the school. I sort of agreed with her on that, I don’t want another rage interrupting my lunch.
“So Ms. Dracula when Mr. Fields arrive, you will show him around school and take him to his classes”
I gave her an expression that the principal would never forget
“But Ms. Randall……” I started
“No buts Ms. Dracula, you will show him around whether you like it or not”
“Yes Ms. Randall” I said as I left her office.
Great, I thought, now I have to take care of some bloody halfy along with Blake and I being on a break. As I walked down the hall I saw gabby and told her what happened.
“Gosh Elizabeth, I feel bad for you” she said but even at that point I knew she was lying. She was lucky not to babysit the bloody halfy.
“Well gabby I got to be getting home, see you in homeroom Monday” I said and walked away.
As I was walking outside I was knocked over by some kid.
“Hey!! Watch where you’re…..” when I looked up I saw a face. It was a guy. His hair was brown and curly. He had amazing blue eyes. He was tall and built. Just the pure sight of him made me think of things that I would do to him. Looking at his expression, he looked worried and saw that my palm was bleeding, he started to back up.
“Hey are you ok?” I said. I looked into his crystal eyes. But they were no longer blue. They were red, blood red. He started to walk towards me with his partial canines coming out. He pushed me to the ground and laid on top of me. I tried to scream but he covered my mouth. He looked at my palm and started to lick the wound. He then inserted his fangs into my wound. I screamed in pain as he sucked out my blood. He pulled his head from my palm and looked deeply in my eyes. The pure sight of his eye color made me scared. He looked at me with an evil grin. Then the blood red eyes disappeared and his face went back to normal.
“Oh god, oh GOD!! I did it again!! Look I am so sorry!!” he started to say. But I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I was dizzy from the blood loss. That and the fact that I couldn’t get up because he was still on top of me. He noticed that he was still lying on my and scrambled to get up when I saw a guy grab him by the throat. It was Blake.
“Look here halfy, don’t be doing this with my girl, and on school grounds, it’s against the rules!” he started to say. But the guy who bit me started to say something.
“Look I’m really sorry man, I didn’t mean too, it’s just my other side has gone awry for a while now and I came here to learn to control it, my name is Denvis, Denvis fields, I’m the new student here” he said. I couldn’t believe that the new guy bit me. I was about to get up when I felt this horrible, burning pain in my throat.
“Blake p-u-ut him down, h-e-e-e’s my responsibility” I said. Blake then let go of his throat. As he let him drop I could feel the sensation to breathe again.
“Elizabeth, are you okay?” Blake asked as he was trying to hug me. I pushed him off
“I’m fine Blake, it was an accident” I said
“Sure it was, just like him sucking your blood was an accident too” he said meanly, looking at Denvis. He gave him a cold stare and walked away. Denvis looked at me and helped me up.
“Look,” Denvis said, “I really am sorry, what did you mean my responsibility?”
As I got up I dusted myself off and spoke “well the principal asked me to show a Mr.fields around and I guess that’s you, my name is Elizabeth, Elizabeth Dracula.”
“You mean?” he said
“Yes, I am Dracula’s daughter, and by the way how long these urges have been happening?”
“Ever since I entered this town, I was told to enroll here to learn to control them”
I looked at him and then approached him. I got extremely close to his face, making him blush. I picked up my finger and pinched his cheek. We both yelled ow!
“What was that for?” He asked rubbing his cheek, hoping the pain to go away.
I didn’t want to think for a second that…..maybe it’s possible that…no it can’t be! While I stood there thinking of the possibility that this could have happened, he looked me in the eyes and spoke.
“What is it, is there something wrong?”
“I think you might have imprinted me by blood” I said softly.
“What’s that?”
I explained to him that when he drank my blood we became bound to each other. Meaning we could feel everything, and hear everything. He asked if there was a way out it.
“Unfortunately when you make an imprint, it can’t go away unless one of the imprinters dies” he stared at me wide eyed.
“Well I am for sure hell not going to die!”
“Neither am I!” I screamed at him. I realized I was being too hard on him and tried calmed down.
“Well I guess we are stuck like this, at least we didn’t do the sexual imprint”
“What’s that?”
“If 2 vampires have sex they are sexually bound to each other, which means that we will be kind of married”
“Wow”
“You’ll learn more in vampirelogy on Monday”
“So I guess you’re like my girlfriend right?” he said smiling and putting his arm around me. I punched him in the face forgetting that I have just punched myself.
“Ah hell no” I said coldly. He frowned and walked off into the woods. I thought to myself this is going to be a lot of work.
Next day
As I woke up I saw my father standing in front of my bed frame. He gave me a nasty stare. I was confused to why he was giving me such a look. Then I saw on the side of my bed was Denvis.
“Why is he in your bed?” he asked cruelly, pointing at Denvis.
“Um, well you see he’s a new student and…..” I started to say when my father interrupted me.
“And he’s a halfy?”
“Yes and you know how they go crazy when they see blood?”
“Of course…” he said silently.
“Well he knocked me over on accident and my palm was bleeding……”
“And?”
“And he sort of imprinted on me”
My father put his hand up to his forehead and swung his head side to side.
“I thought you were with Blake?”
“I was but I wanted a break. He wanted to date other girls.”
“Well you should have let him; I’d would have preferred him than that disgusting halfy”
I looked at him and sighed, I punched him and again forgetting I was punching myself. We both fell on the floor screaming. He looked up at me in my bra and panties and covered his eyes.
“Yeah you better cover your eyes, rise halfy” he rose only to run into the metal bed frame face first.
“Ugh what a dumb halfy you are”
“Daddy, Ms. Randall told me to keep an eye on him”
“Well does him sleeping in your bed mean the same thing?”
“No daddy. Now will you please leave? I have to get dressed”
“Yes Elizabeth” He then left and I sighed with relief. I then went over to Denvis and removed his hands. He was blushing. He kind of looked cute when he was blushing. Maybe I should take advantage of this imprint.
“Denvis, you don’t have to cover your eyes”
“But you’re just so pretty and someone as ugly as me shouldn’t be in the presence of a beautiful girl like yourself”
I looked down. I looked up to see that I was blushing too
“You think I’m beautiful?”
“Well yeah, I mean I didn’t mean to imprint you but I think I’m happy that I did” He wrapped his arms around me and brung his face extremely close to mine, our eyes slightly closing and our lips parting, we kissed. His lips against mine felt as though he wasn’t real. Should I date him? Or should I stop? No! I couldn’t stop. I liked it too much. We finally let go and we stared into each other’s eyes.
“Were you okay with that?” he asked. I replied with a kiss on his cheek
“I am perfectly ok with this” speaking those words. I think for the first time I smiled. he smiled back and jumped on my bed.
“So what are we doing today?” he asked patting the spot of my bed next to him.
“Um it’s Saturday so why don’t we hang out at the mall or something?” I said sitting next to him. He put his arm around me and kissed me.
“Why not?”
Denvis and I got dressed and leaped out the window. We started walking towards the mall entrance. As we walked in we felt danger ahead, but we ignored it. We walked around the mall for a while. Talking about things we had in common. Music, literature, books, Etc. we were about to walk into hot topic when I felt the presence of someone. I looked around and turned to Blake kissing me.
“Hey babe, want to ditch this loser and come back to me?” Blake said wrapping his arm around my shoulder. Before I could say or do anything Denvis came in and punched him in the face. I stepped back and kicked him.
“Why Elizabeth? I thought you were mine forever…”
“No Blake. You don’t own me. I am not just a toy you can play with. At least I’m happy to get an imprint from someone who isn’t a jerk”
“He imprinted you?!” he screamed, “You slut!!” he was about to come at me when I saw Denvis’s eyes glow red again, his fangs come out. He walked up to Blake, grabbed his hand, and bent it back. A hand shouldn’t bend that far back.
“If you ever hurt Elizabeth, you will regret it for the rest of your life” Denvis spoke as he pushed Blake’s hand farther back. He was about to break his hand when I grabbed his arm.
“Denvis don’t hurt him, not out here at least” when I grabbed Denvis’s arm, he looked at my expression. I was filled with fear. He frowned. His red eyes turned back blue as he let go of Blake.
“I did it again didn’t I?” he asked taking ahold of my hand.
“Yes” I nodded, entwining my fingers with his.
“I need to get more control” he said looking down at the ground.
‘Well there’s one way to but I don’t know if you’re willing to take the chance” I let go of his hand and started thinking hard about this decision. If I do this, it will be my end of dating, but I think he might be the one. True to my heart.
“Please at least let me here it”
“Well there’s another part to the sexual imprint, if I bite you and make the sexual imprint, you can become a full vampire and won’t have to worry about the urges. You’d be in total control.”
Denvis looked surprised and looked down then up. He took my hand in his and looked deep in my eyes.
“I’m willing to do it” his words dripped on my tongue like honey.
I looked surprised that he has said yes.
“Are you for sure? I mean this is a pretty big deal, plus if we make the sexual imprint then you can’t escape me”
“I’m willing to stay with you forever, no matter what it takes” he lifted my chin to his lips and we kissed. When I kissed him I would feel his cold and warm blood mix back and forth. I didn’t want to let go.
Next day at school
Gabby approached me smiling “so I heard your dating that new halfy kid”
“Well yeah I am, I mean halfies are not as bad as you think they are”
“Well I still don’t like this idea of you dating this halfy” she had a flustered look on her face.
“Well if you were my friend you could at least pretend that you’re ok with it”
“And if you were my friend you would remember what humans did to our mothers and family Elizabeth. No human is different. They are all the same.” Being very upset, she walked away. When I turned around I spotted Denvis. I ran up to him and gave him a huge hug.
“Hey babe, what’s up?” he asked
“Oh nothing, my friend doesn’t like halfies or humans, so when she heard that I was dating you she got a little upset”
“Why doesn’t she like humans?” he asked with a puzzled look.
I told him about her and i, the village, our mothers. How bad we were traumatized. When I told him that he hugged me even more.
“Oh Elizabeth I am so sorry, you must have been terrified, and such at a young age.”
“It was, every human I saw I hated, I thought I would hate you because you were a halfy, but I don’t, you were different from everyone else. Though my friend said all humans and halfies are the same. I didn’t believe her. You kept me safe from Blake; no one would have done for that. That’s why I think we should do it tonight” when I said that he looked surprised.
“Are you sure? I mean it’s your decision”
“I really want to,” I said softly, blushing, “after school meet me in my bedroom”
“Alright” he smiled, kissed me, and went to class.
Later that night
I was surprised that he had actually shown up. He came through my window, shirtless and wearing baggy jeans and no shoes, just in case my father came early from work. When he came up I was wearing my black lacy bra and underwear, sitting on my bed. He blushed when he saw me.
“Now you know what I have to do right?” I said.
He nodded as he laid down on my bed. I crawled on top of him as I let my fangs come out. I went near his jugular vein and stuck them in. he gasped in pain, but I ignored it. I sucked a little blood, and let go. I laid on top of him watching it take effect. His hair wasn’t brown, it was black, and his skin was paler than ever. He propped himself up and grabbed me by waist and started to kiss my neck, I moaned a little, because this was my first time. He picked me up and threw me lightly on the bed, with him on top.
“I cannot believe we are doing this, but I’m happy I am, are you too?”
“Yes” I smiled and looked deep into his crystal blue eyes. Oh the sight of the color made me drool. I was glad that I was doing this. I really was.
I kissed him passionately. I think you can tell what happens next.
Later past midnight
“That was amazing Denis” I said softly as we cuddled in my bed.
“Good” he said softly, kissing my ear, “You want to go for a walk?” he asked looking at me with a slight grin. I could see his new fangs come out.
“Yes, you got to get used to being a full vampire” I smiled. He smiled back and we both jumped out the window. We walked into the woods and kissed. We heard a rustle and turned to find Blake and gabby. Denvis grabbed me and held me.
“What are you doing here gabby?!” Denvis screamed. I looked at him confused and puzzled.
“I came here for what I deserved” she spoke. Acting seductively.
“What is she talking about?” I asked looking up to him.
“She doesn’t know Denvis?” she spoke in a cruel tone.
“What is she talking about Denvis?” I asked.
“I knew gabby. She was arranged to marry me, but I ran away and faked my death me being a halfy and all” he told me how she only used him and other stuff.
“Blake, why are you here?” I asked looking at Blake.
“I want you back and if I can have you…..no one can!!!” Blake came at me, full blood and rage. Denvis sprung into full vampire mode and attacked him. He used his fangs and bit him hard.
“I told you this halfy was bad news Elizabeth” and gabby came at me…. It seemed like forever that Denvis and I were fighting. Then Blake came extremely close to killing Denvis. Blake then drew a knife out and was about to stab him. I had no choice; I didn’t want him to die. So I jumped in front of Denvis and Blake stabbed me instead; stabbed me right in the heart. I fell to the ground, blood coming from my mouth and my wound. Denvis got even angrier and attacked both Blake and gabby with rage, I saw Denvis kill them both. When he was finished, he saw what was happening to me and he ran to my side.
“ELIZABETH, YOU CANT DIE!!” he screamed.
I looked up at him and said “I guess I was supposed to die” tears rolled down my pale face as I stared at him. If I was to die, the imprint would be broken.
“No Elizabeth, you are not going to die on me!!” he grabbed the knife Blake had and stabbed himself in the heart. He fell by my side, blood gushing from the wound.
“If you’re going to die, I’m going to die with you” he looked at me and kissed my cheek. He took my hand in his, as we waited for death to come.
“See you in heaven” he said
“Yeah,” I started saying before everything got hazy, “see you in heaven”
We both lay there, dieing of blood loss, until my father found u. He tried to kill himself as well, but he couldn’t, for he was immortal, all the children of monsters were not immortal until adult hood. He cried for 30 days and 30 nights, hoping that one day he would see me again.
When I found Denvis in heaven I asked, “I do I know this is heaven?”
He looked at me and kissed me passionately. He said “does that tell you?” he smiled at me, teeth and all.
“Yes” I answered.
We hugged for a long time. We lived together in heaven while Blake and gabby spent their afterlife in hell. I thought to myself I am truly happy. That I risked my life for someone I truly love. I knew I made the right choice and now… I am with him forever.
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Hey there, er334,
I know it's been quite a while since you posted this, but it looks very lonely with no reviews, so I figured I should give it some love. I apologise if you've already dealt with any of the suggestions for improvement that I come up with, but I hope that some of what I say might still be helpful to you!
Vampires are a pretty popular subject, along with werewolves and zombies and other supernatural stuff, and for good reason - they're pretty cool, and always interesting to play around with! Everyone has a different take on them, and you've outlined your take in quite a lot of detail at the start of this piece. It's cool that you've thought it all out - working out lots of detail at the start of a work is good, especially for longer works where you might forget little things - but I don't think that having it all written out at the start of the story itself adds much. If anything, it sticks a big wall of textbook facts at the start, which your reader then has to trudge through to get to anything interesting, and that might make them stop reading.
I'd like to suggest that you cut out all of the textbook facts at the beginning of this piece, and write them down in a reference file - just a Word document listing them all would work. This file isn't part of the story, just a reminder for you to look back at when you need to remember how part of your vampire world works. Then, when you're writing the story, don't tell the reader all this stuff until they need it to understand what's about to happen. This works as a first draft kind of thing - put in the information when it's needed, and then if, when rereading the piece, you think it needs to be earlier, you can make it earlier.
After I get through the wall at the beginning, the thing that strikes me most about this piece is that it's really packed! There's a lot going on here - enough for the first half of a Young Adult novel, really. And because the piece is so short, it feels like we're really rushing past all the stuff that's going on. I think it would be really good for you to slow down: when an event happens, take a step back and tell us more about what's going on around it. How does Elizabeth feel when she's arguing with Blake - emotionally and physically. Have they had this argument before? Rather than just saying Gabby and Elizabeth hate humans, why not describe the anger against humans heating up inside Elizabeth? If you describe a bit more about the actions and feelings of the people in this story, it will feel a bit less rushed, and we'll be able to get to know the characters a bit better.
As I said, I hope some of the things I've said have been helpful. If you want to talk to me a bit more about things I've said here, or about other things to do with this piece, or about stuff in general, please feel free to drop me a message! Otherwise, happy writing!
Cadi x