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139,043 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
beautiful
thank you
Hey, coming in to review this amazing poem! First off, welcome to YWS, we’re so glad to have you here! From what I’ve seen of your work I can tell you’ll be a valuable addition to our community.
My first impressions of this poem are the beautiful references to botany. I can definitely believe the narrator’s mother is a botanist.
You tell this story so well--at first we think it’s a love story (sort of like the narrator does) but by the middle we can tell what’s really going on.
Here are some of my favorite lines:
What a wonderful way to start this poem! It really pulled me in, and I think it’s one of the reasons I read the whole way through. It gave me a delightful peek into your writing style.
This ending line really left a mark on me. As someone who knows the meaning of poppies I think it meant more to me than it would another person.
Overall, the language of flowers weaves itself so well into this poem. It feels fictional and yet real at the same time, and I love it so much! I can’t wait to see what else you create.
<3, Meenal (theromanticchemist)
thanks!
Hai :3
This poem is so lovely!! There's this sense of delicacy threaded through it, like you're tiptoeing through someone's emotional garden, literally and metaphorically ~~ Like, it's so soft and painful at the same time!! I've never explored floral imagery in my own writing, but this makes me want to give it a try!! It's sososo cool to me how every flower represents something!! The flowers aren’t just decorative, yk, they carry the emotional baggage. They are the everything of this poem!!
Then, there's this contrasting dynamic between the speaker and the “you” ~~ The narrator is more down-to-earth, grounded in reality and honest about how things are (the flaws / the hidden things), while the "you" is obsessed with those labels and meanings. It feels like there’s an underlying critique there, like the speaker is unveiling the hidden truths about "you" and how not everything is as pristine as it seems. I love the juxtaposition of that and the contrast!! It's so poetic to dig into the personal stakes of losing this relationship. So real!!
!!! This just cracked the poem wide open for me. It's a soft accusation but delivered in such a poetic, almost resigned way. The narrator knows what’s up, and they’re not hiding from the truth anymore!! You can feel the weight of this realization sinking in, and it's so bittersweet to me!! It hurts, but it's so beautiful.
This is a stunning ending !!! I'm obsessed!!
But... the poem is all about this complicated, somewhat toxic relationship ~~ The act of leaving a poppy, that gesture, feels like it comes out of nowhere. It’s powerful, but I think you could explore the internal reasoning for leaving that specific flower a little more. Like, what’s going through their head in that final moment? Is it an act of defiance? Or is it sorrow? Acceptance? I wonder how it ties into the infidelity and loss of trust between the two of them!! I don't understand the context.
^^^ Similar thought: The overall theme of using flowers and botany as metaphors is gorgeous, but I think it gets a bit overplayed by the end. You’ve got marquerites, lilies, daisies, roses, honeysuckle, black dahlia, poppy: SO MANY FLOWERS!! It’s like being in a garden that’s a little too crowded, if you get what I mean. Maybe focusing on less flowers could make the emotional moments feel more personal to you, and you could go deeper into their significance to the narrative.
This was so pretty though!! You've taken my breath away!! ^_^
- Payton
thank you for the review!
I'm assuming you are a new member of YWS, so welcome on in! May I interest you in a review? If so, listen.
The first thing I noticed about this poem is the format it is written in. Unlike most traditional poems, this one takes on quite the creative challenge of formatting each line on another side. I really like this type of format, but I think you could have done more to vary each line position. Perhaps lines could be scattered back and forth instead of clumps of stanzas being on one side and the other. It would sort of symbolize a conversation between two ideas, if you may.
The second thing is the botany references. I love all of these, especially the flowers you have chosen. Perhaps you could also look up specific plants that aren't quite common to make this slightly different than the ones you found. Many plants also have some sort of symbol association, too.
And the third to last thing is quite simple. The ending. Very shocking, but sort of sad. Do you know how to make this hit harder to the audience?
Overall, I think this is a great poem that takes on new, uncommon forms. Hope you continue to write more and more here.
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely,
Purple67
thank you!
i actually chose these flowers because of their meanings. black dahlias represent betrayal/poppies can mean "i am not free".