All right, I know this seems long but what I did was just copy/pasted your story. All my corrections are in bold.
Okay, here I go 
When I first saw her, time stopped. Nothing else mattered when I was with her. Her smile was the life in my soul. When she looked at me with those bright blue eyes I feel [okay, you switch tenses here. You have to watch out for that. Instead of feel, if should have been felt] hope and joy still exist [again, existed instead of exist] in the world. Her only intention is [was] to spread happiness. Every moment I live [lived and comma] I wondered how a girl like this could be with me. She is [was] the life in me and I love her with all my heart.
On that star filled November night, all was quiet except for the sounds of a bird that stayed up past its bedtime; I finally built up the courage to do the most frightening thing of my life.
She turned her head away for the stars for a moment and faced me. She gave me a small loving smile and whispered in my ear “I love you with all my heart.” Those were the words that made my heart leap, and I knew that this was the perfect chance to ask her. I got down on one knee and pulled out of my coat pocket a small black box which contained a small diamond ring, which I had worked for, many, many months [I don't think you should say "many, many". I think one "many" is enough] pinching pennies to afford. I started “I love you with all my heart and more. Honey will you marry me?”
[new paragraph] ‘Oh my god.’ She whispered. She was fumbling for words to say. She loved him with all her heart and knew they would be perfect together. This was the moment she had been waiting for since she first saw him three years ago. He was the guy she dreamed about when she was a small girl imaging her life in the future. Her heart beat rapidly and the joy inside her was uncontainable.
My nerves were calmed when her baffled expression turned to a smile full of love and care. I could imagine us together, what it would be like. We wouldn’t have much to begin with but I knew if I loved her enough we would find a way past all of life’s cruel challenges. I knew it.
Realization snapped back into me as she began to speak. “I… I’m sorry. No.” My heart stopped cold.
Everything stopped but the cold approaching winter killing every bit of happiness left in my lifeless body.[good description 
] It took all my strength not to breakdown and cry in front of her. “I’m sorry. I really am, but I can’t say yes.”
With those final words, Kara got up leaving me, stripped from all emotions that allow life. Pain seized my heart and overwhelmed my body.
Okay, why did she leave just him??? Why didn't she say YES?? This part made me angry...lol
* * *
I never saw or heard from her again until a year after that cold November night. It was then at the final resting place of all my love and happiness. When I spotted a familiar, but unrecognizable face. When she approached me and I had a better look [comma] I realized it was Kara’s mother. Kara’s mother told me that after the night I proposed to Kara, that she went came [you said "went" and "came" here. Choose only one] home and locked her self in her room, refusing to talk to anyone or eat and drink. She did not leave her room for anything and one day when we left her, we came back to find her dead.
The woman looked at me once more with tears forming at the tips of her eyes, and said “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you already but I thought it would be for the best.” With those final words she left me there [comma] dazed and confused. The moment I realized this was not a dream I went to car, put my hand into my pocket [comma] fumbling for the car keys.
I opened the car door and seated myself. Emotions were pouring into me; ones that I didn’t even know existed. I could see my breath the result of a cold winter. Each breath took away another part of my life. [ooh, I like these two sentences ] I started the car engine and drove away. As the emotions grew stronger within me the needle on the speedometer kept increased rapidly into the red danger zone. My mind drifted into memories and all consciousness of me driving was forgotten.
A car horn sounded and I snapped back into reality, but it was too late.
Down this old country lane ["was" should be added here before "where"] where everything was thought to be ok, my life was about to have a dramatic change. I quickly put my foot on the brakes, but it was too late.
The car plunged off the side of the road. I could feel every vibration; I could hear the scratching of the metal against the rocks and the gravel below. Every item fell toward me, smashing and breaking as it hit me and the side of the car. The car flipped once more, onto the roof. Everything changed [comma] the gravity of earth was rushing the blood to my head increasing the pain. The car passenger and windshield shattered. Its sound was unbearable to listen to. My blood poured out of my fresh new cuts.
The car slid unto a small hill. The car began to slowly turn until it became a rotation then flipping. For only a second the car was back onto its wheels, until a large rock smashed its way through the front of the car smashing in the roof of the car [comma] destroying the engine shattering in everything. The car flipped over the roof of the car smashed in trapping me in. The car began to slow down and stopped just before a small clean country river.
I was alone [semi-colon] there was no one around. This was the end I thought. This was when I would take the final breaths of life. My head became heavy and my body ached with intense pain. I could immediately tell almost every bone in me was shattered. The pain was engorging through me. My blood poured out of me, my face was covered in my own blood [you used blood twice here. Maybe change it to: My blood poured out of me, my face covered in my own crimson liquid.] . My eyes became wiry. But before anything.
A gentle breeze came upon me, it was then I knew I wasn’t ever alone. It was then I realized she was always with me. Before I gave up, I made a promise that if I were to live I would live my life without sorrow anymore but with hope.
I loved your ending!
This was really good. Sorry it took me so long to get back to this. You switched tenses there at the begining but otherwise, everything was really good. Also, I will check out that other story you suggested I should read.
Keep Writing!
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