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Young Writers Society


by envy

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8 Reviews

Points: 331
Reviews: 8

Sun Nov 12, 2023 8:37 pm
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doegrl wrote a review...

First off, I love this poem. The visuals are creative and make the poem so much more interesting. The message seems simple to me, wanting to spend all this time with someone, but time never allows. But the way that you tell that story is so interesting.

"my father writes his signature". So perfect. I don't think that is something I would ever compare to tracing scars, and yet it works so well. You talk about both of your parents and your childhood in the piece, which makes me want to know more, leaves your reader thinking.

Overall, the piece feels really homey to me, maybe it's with how you include so many of those simple nostalgic pieces of life like, Sunday dinner or sitting on your bedroom floor. I think that might be what draws me most to this poem. Thank you for giving us the chance to read :)

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16 Reviews

Points: 614
Reviews: 16

Wed Nov 01, 2023 9:21 pm
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Lullaby says...


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18 Reviews

Points: 183
Reviews: 18

Tue Oct 31, 2023 2:20 pm
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GrHinds09 wrote a review...

This is so lovely. It's short, but conveys the speakers true, pure love so well. They find all these things they love about their special person everywhere. They relate them to so many normal routine comforting things. Their lover may have gone through horrible things based on the scars line, but they find comfort and healing in each other. The speaker wants more time with their love, but for how many things they want to experience together there is simply no way they'll be able to.
This was so sweet and beautiful. I love the vibe this poem gives off.

I hope you have a wonderful day full of love and comfort.

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Points: 137
Reviews: 3

Sun Oct 29, 2023 6:44 pm
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JerrodeD wrote a review...

I get romantic vibes from this poem. I love all of it. I feel all the emotion in the poem although short it's amazing and poetically beautiful. I picture someone who wants to make the most memories with a person, but they don't have enough time to do so because of age and and circumstances of life. Yet they take time to embrace the moments they have with a person because at any moment that person could be gone within a day. Overall I love all of it and I love the emphasis on the person's voice and how the tune is soothing to the narrator.

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215 Reviews

Points: 630
Reviews: 215

Sat Oct 28, 2023 6:07 pm
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creaturefeature wrote a review...

hello envy!

i've been loving all of the poetry lately! this poem especially captures your poetic voice PERFECTLY i think! you have a very unique writing style and honestly it's devastating in a way. every poem you've published here gets better and better!

you crack like drywall when you touch me
& it makes me wish some things never change

already WOAH we are off to a great start

this is such a specific image, i feel it in my stomach! it's honestly a little hard to picture what's happening in my head, but that almost makes it better? it's a metaphor for something; probably something related to honeymoon stage awkwardness or something else intimate. you write about love in a way that's honestly something i don't see often tbh. it's striking!

i emulate spending time with you
in the places i can't have you,
sitting cross-legged on my bedroom floor,
hands-clasped sunday dinner with my mother

very interesting word choice here, not in a bad way. at least for me, "emulate" wouldn't be the first word that came to my mind here. i assume you are using it in the tech/programming way, which is ?? even more confusing. i love how it juxtaposes with the simpler, "living in the moment" type of lines though! it's almost contradicting, but i love the effect you are getting across!

i feel like the entire last line of that stanza reads clunky though? i love the vision behind it, but something feels off yknow? i would assume it's supposed to represent that the love between the narrator and the other person is forbidden in some way, which is always fun. i wish that line was a little cleaner though! it might be the lack of verb usage, but i can't say for sure.

i trace the scars on your skin like
my father writes his signature

this deserves another WOAH because i love this line! it's in reality a basic idea, but your execution is absolutely stunning here! even down to the placement in the poem. the line accompanying this one is honestly rather flat, so the combo accentuates it. it's super neat, one of my favourites from you.

your lips taste like summer &
your voice sounds like my childhood home
my heartbeat slows & quickens to
the tune of your vocal chords

this is a solid stanza! i think it gets across that young love point that i've been reading into, but it also can stand on its own.

i do think it's not the most clear showcase of your poetic voice though? to be honest, it feels like you were losing momentum here. especially when it comes to the "your lips taste like summer" line because i've heard that so many times before. you have a brilliant mind when it comes to metaphors and comparisons, but something about this just isn't doing it for me!

there is so much i want to do with you
but i dont have enough lifetimes for half of it

this ending left me genuinely SPEECHLESS tbh, it is gorgeous! it's very succinct, but i feel like that complements your writing. you don't have to make a big showy exit, and that's refreshing to see! sometimes the lines that hit the hardest are the ones that seem simple, and this is a good example of that.

again, absolutely stunning poem! i can't wait to see more from you!


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662 Reviews

Points: 11195
Reviews: 662

Sat Oct 28, 2023 10:29 am
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Messenger wrote a review...

Hey there, and happy review day!

Right off the bat, I love the drywall analogy. It's also interesting that whereas you would expect the person being touched to be the one cracking, we instead get the person giving the touch. Coupled with the second line I found it to mean that being with you makes this person feel okay to be vulnerable and fragile.

In stanza 2, I'm not sure that emulate is the right word. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but typically emulate means to mimic or reenact, but that doesnt seem to be the case. My guess would be something like reminisce or daydream or crave would fit better in line with what you're going for in that opening line.

Stanza 3 has some great stuff; I particularly like the "find little pieces of you in everyone" line. I think that's relatable to a lot of things in life, and especially when it comes to relationships, past, present, and potentially futuristic. However, it's also in this stanza that I would point out the lack of apostrophes in "its" and "ill". While I tend not to point out punctuation in poetry (thanks to e.e cummings) I think you need it on those instances because otherwise it doesn't make grammatical sense, AND you've created a different word in the second instance that has different meaning.

I love the 4th and 5th stanza. Such pretty imagery and comparisons. Makes me think of Owl City lyrics which is a big compliment in my world xD the last stanza, especially, evokes heartbreak and hope at the same time, which is a great place to leave your reader.

Overall I enjoyed this and think you have some real talent coming through in this piece :) hope this helped

~ Messy

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68 Reviews

Points: 209
Reviews: 68

Sat Oct 28, 2023 12:01 am
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ariah347 wrote a review...

AH IMMEDIATELY! I am in love! The first line alone had me reading and re-reading. Your comparisons are *chef's kiss*. Your writing inspires me every single time! 👏👏👏 This feels like it could be a song - Taylor Swift, look out! To me, that sentiment is a compliment, but I understand she's not everyone's cup of tea! Literally, every line has a cohesion between two things that are so poetic and astronomically beautiful that my mind is blown! Because this is sooooo immaculate, it deserves a line-by-line review/comment! The analogies, metaphors, similes, & tone of your work make you one of my favorite poets on here. With your work, I have dubbed no need for a rhyme scheme. Only you have been bestowed that honorary preference dismissal, LOL.

Line 1/2: This visionary wordery (word + wizardry) has me visualizing someone who is so enamored that a single touch leaves them dissipating. Love is fleeting, especially the magic in the beginning. With time, all things tend to become immune or subsidiary.
3-6: You have described thinking of this person during times when their presence cannot be, or this can be interpreted as completely not there in reality. These lines made me second-guess my interpretation of the first two.
7-8: The comparison of scars and a signature is very unique. Again, I am back to thinking this is about a real-life love and not a figment of the imagination or longing.
9-10: I LOVE THIS! It makes me think of a song by Hozier called Someone New. I take a lot of inspiration from music (all kinds / might be obvious, LOL). The discovery of this person you love within others with everything, everyone, everywhere, reminding you of them is a big sign of the infatuation stage of love. Still, also if it is that rare love, this never leaves.
11-12: Here's where Taylor Swift came to mind specifically. Summer is joyful, sunny, and bright. A kiss that brings that is truly unforgettable. It may be that these lips speak words of that elated feeling. Childhood homes are, if happy and healthy, comforting, nostalgic, and bring about a sense of child-like wonder. The voice of this lover is a safe space, taking the listener to a sanctuary of innocent ease.


That's it. That's the review. Thank you for sharing. Wishing you love wherever you are on the ole globe. With love, ♡a

Some people file their [tax] returns inside of a dead fish.
— John Oliver