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by envy

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215 Reviews

Points: 130
Reviews: 215

Mon Nov 27, 2023 3:02 am
creaturefeature wrote a review...

hi envy!

i always jump at the chance to review your poetry! it's rare for poems to really hit me anymore, yknow? but yours typically does that.

i have been trying to make peace with
some of what i need to let go of

i like this opening line! i think it sets the scene for the poem quite well. it's possibly a little cliché, but i don't think that's the worst thing possible? your poetry takes a lot of traditionally "cliché" topics and spins them into something more, so it all works out! that's a wonderful skill to have btw!

it all sits in my heart -
the places i go to when i think about the end,
a rocking chair on a quiet porch & your bedsheets
from last october, still with the tag on

i LOVE this whole stanza! so many intense emotions in just a few lines!

it's such an interesting juxtaposition of imagery and ideas, and woooow it hits me. it really complements the whole break up/letting go theme you have going on! the "bedsheets from last october" thing kinda makes me think the narrator is holding onto memories (since those aren't the current bedsheets), which again complements those themes i was mentioning. memories hold significance to everyone really, so that interpretation makes sense to me!

change is not victory, vice versa
i want to become all that i dont understand yet
i want shared custody of the versions of us
we bore together

this is a good stanza as well! i wish it was a little more connected to the others though? "change is not victory, vice versa" is a great line, but it feels a bit out of place. it's a very nuanced perspective on transformation and i feel like those kinds of ideas aren't present before it. it would be super neat to play around with though! growth and change are very poetic topics i think!

the last line took me out though tbh, it's stunning! i think it is a brilliant callback to those previous ideas of letting go and accepting the end.

anyways this was GORGEOUS, write more please and thank you


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Points: 363
Reviews: 2

Fri Nov 24, 2023 8:03 pm
VedaJane wrote a review...

Hello! ^_^

Wow!! Your voice is really really unique!! I've never read a poem like this before!! :D I love the nonchalant tone here and I'd think this is a heartbreak poem?? "I want shared custody of the versions of us we bore together" makes me think that way because it feels very reminiscent of the past!! If I had to describe the poem's vibe in one word, it would be "brooding" but in a good way :)

Also the use of & is really cool too!! Some of the lines get a lil clunky though cus of it I think, but don't worry!! That isn't a bad thing!! Some parts just feel like a mouthful when I read them aloud is all. In a way that works for your stream of consciousness type of writing!! :D Just something I noticed...

Keep writing please!!

Veda <3

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16 Reviews

Points: 614
Reviews: 16

Sat Nov 18, 2023 1:16 pm
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Lullaby says...

Uhm, hi, can you stop writing such amazing poetry? It inspires me too much!
But seriously, you’re crazy talented. I love your work :)

envy says...

thank you, i appreciate your comments a lot :D

"Now I realize that there is no righteous path, it’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it is far too easy to do your worst."
— Castiel