Published November 20, 2007
I always love a good run with the pack. How the cool night air whips back my fur as we run along, under the pale, milky luminescence of the moon. The absolute silence, save for the soft patter of paws on the damp forest floor, and sometimes the rustling of the leaves overhead. I love how we move as one, in liquid form, twisting and turning in unison, like a mountain stream. And how, afterwards, we just stand around, looking all funny with our tongues hanging out form overheating, our pupils dilated form the excess adrenaline. We smile at each other, then go home, satisfied. And no one ever knows what goes on.
But not anymore.
Something is drawing near, an event that will soon change our lives.
The Blood Moon is coming.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,535 Literary Works • 673,407 Reviews
Sounds interesting, I want more. Prehaps a little more 'wolf imagery', wolves use scent and sound more then sight. When saying something is coming you might want to have your character sniff the air or listen hard, searching for what is coming. Wolves are naturally curious, so anything they sense they will want to know more about.
Giving your readers a wolf's eye view can be hard, but from what is here you are doing a great job. The description of the pack feeling is wonderful.
If you have any questions about wolf behavior feel free to PM me. I read up on wolves for my story so I have a pretty decent knowledge of their social structure.
I hope you have more soon!
Wow! Even though I am a fantasy writer, I find such novels difficult to get into sometimes, but not this. It looks brilliant, and I see potential steaming through it. The wonderful descriptions really display your talent, and I'll go and rad the rest right now!
Your description is great, allowing a clear mental image. I'm not much of a wolf fan personally (I find them to be a little overdone, just like well done steak) but if you post more please PM me so I can check it out.
Do i smell a werewolf obsession there?
nice imagry in your prolague, just make it longer ok? and less obvious forshadowing.
make it like.
"Then as if for a moment the moon ran red, dripping in crimson, a flash of a blood veiled vision of what was to come. I knew something was out of place, shifted from its natural order. Something was coming."
use that if you want. no need for my name to be anywhere near it lol
im writing a bok about shifters but a bloody moon isnt part of it so there wont be a similarity in my writings to this snippet, so you can use it word for word ^.^
Wow, this was really cool!
I love wolves, and I can't wait to read more of this!
It is kinda short though...
Anyways,
Keep writing,
Ayra
Good, good. You had nice description, though it is really short. Even so, you make me want to at least read the next chapter.
Woohoo! Wolves! My God, I'm such a wolf person. Have you read The Sight? That's what this reminded me of. I loved this because I have such a clear picture of the narrator in just a couple paragraphs. I can't wait to read more!
yeah...summy-ish...I'm still in a kinda rough-draft stage. but thanks!!
and, yes. werewolves....and vampires....they come soon enough.
I really like the idea of this. But there isn't enough to give a real opinion, so please PM me when you post more... okay?
Thanks, and happy writing!!
~Azila~
The description is excellent- you can really feel it.
The last three sentences seem to stick out; like everyone's said, they make it feel synopsis-y.
The description is excellent- you can really feel it.
The last three sentences seem to stick out; like everyone's said, they make it feel synopsis-y.
I agree with frenchpastry, it sounds much more like a synopsis than a prologue. It's extremely googd piece, and leaves a lasting impression. Plus, in a descriptive way, it gives hint of the plot to come. I'm gonna have a wild guess and say werewolves right?
Yeah, this is really intresting! I can feel the potential dripping......
PM me if you continue this, pretty please?
It sounds more like something you would read on the back of a book. It's really interesting. If I picked this up and read this in a book store, I'd probably read it.
Continue, please. It has potential.