Published March 18, 2005
it's falling,
gently drifting
down.
they call it pure
and beauty.
what harm
can come from
seeing elegance?
gliding down,
silently, but unceasingly,
self-advertisting
everywhere,
in the streets,
the homes
of people, nowhere to go,
trying to sleep.
no disturbance,
for them, primarily,
of their dreams,
until they don't stop
dreaming in their slumber.
and we can see their beauty
everywhere.
but others have to pay
for us,
all so we can see
pure.
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141,738 Literary Works • 675,647 Reviews
Thats really sweet! I like it!
emotion_less, that's really pretty!
The only thing that I kind of dislike is the spacing of the poem. To me, it seems almost too spaced-out now. This is the way I suggest:
I really like the meaning behind this though, to me it seems alot deeper than it looks.
Also, in some of the parts, I think you should use different forms of the words, like in the second line, having pure and beautiful instead of pure and beauty.
And the last comment by the Dreamo kid is that I really suggest making it look "clean" and orderly, by capitalizing all the first words of lines.
-Dreami